Elven winter
by Bloodthirsty
Summary: please take note that the title has little to do with the story. It takes place 5 years after the destruction of the ring. It's a reunion, I know it's been done before, but please tell me what you think. Now pg for a teeny bit of seduction... heh
1. Default Chapter

Blood thirsty: Okay, me second fic… and thanks SO MUCH to the ice cream assassin for reveiewing my first! Anyway, this is after the series ended, so they destroyed the ring, yada yada yada, it's gonna be humor, hence the genre. And no, it's not gonna be stupid humor… I hope…

Legolas: Not stupid? You? That's an oxy moron if I ever heard one… * Goes back to typing * 

Blood thirsty: No more dictionary for you, Mr. Know-it-all- elf. No more supper either…

Legolas: When did you feed me in the first place huh? * holds up a sign * "Muse for sale"

The brightness of the sun awoke him from a night of peaceful slumber. His keen eyes instinctively blinked from the sudden consciousness. 'What an odd dream…' he thought. He shook his head, as if to rid himself of the thought. Legolas stayed in bed a little while longer. Winter was there, and he did not want to cross the snow-white room to get into some sort of slippers, for the floor would be much too cold for his taste. He heard some yelling, and covered his pointy ears with his pillow, that is until he realized that who ever was making all the noise, was making it towards him, to rouse him out of bed.

"I'm coming, I'm coming… hold on for a moment, would you?" He muttered, hoping the elf had heard him. Apparently not, because they came barging in, ranting about how much he slept. She stopped dead in her tracks realizing that he was indeed awake. She tried to stare daggers at him, but his glare was much more effective. She snorted.

" For a king-to-be you sure are lazy, all you do is get up, go to the forest, and do nothing." He rolled his eyes, and went back under the pillow trying in vain to cut out her yelling. She continued to yell at him, getting even louder until he interrupted her.

" My hearing is fine. Though I would like some privacy in which to get dressed, I can't very well go around in my night clothes, now can I?" He said bluntly.

" Just making sure you were up, my soon-to-be-king." The last part she spat with sarcasm. With that, she stormed out of the room. He nearly jumped out of his skin when his eleven feet met with the floor. Cold usually didn't bother him, but it was rather unpleasant when it was first thing in the morning. He trudged over towards his wardrobe. He always admired the work in which it was carved. It stood about 7 feet tall, and was almost silver in color. Along with the many decorative carvings in it, it was a rather pretty sight. He pulled it open and pulled out some light green clothes, and dressed, mumbling to himself about what would happen to that elf when he was king. 'She would see more of cleaning than waking up the princes' he chuckled to himself.

He walked into the dining area, greeted by his father and brothers. They were clad in white and silvers. 

" Why do you dress in summer clothes, when it is winter, oh wise one?" Asked his eldest brother, sarcasm dripping from his voice. Legolas merely waved the question off, but still received some odd glances from his other kin. He had almost finished his breakfast when again, the elf maiden came charging through, and nearly knocked Legolas off his seat. She glared at him yet again, for something he had no idea what for. He was starting to think that she disliked him very much. He would of sneered back, but he was becoming aware of something in his lap. A glass. Along with the juice in it. For an elf with such pale features, he became very red; whether it be from anger or humiliation. He stood up very abruptly, and stared her down with such a glare. If looks could kill, she would have been dead before she hit the ground. He was very angry, though she found it quite amusing.

" You know, for a king-to-be, you sure are clumsy." She taunted. He turned even redder. That was definitely and insult. Legolas' eyes narrowed down, and before anyone knew what was happening, he pushed his way past her; nearly knocking her to the ground.

" Well, he sure isn't a morning elf, now is he?" She asked, trying to sound innocent. It obviously worked, because his eldest brother, nodded, and added

" I don't think he likes winter either." He said coyly. She delivered her message to Thrandruil.

Legolas walked through the forest, to let off some steam, and ended up in one of his favorite trees. It seemed to have a nook that fit his body shape just right. He had nearly nodded off, when the sound of hooves met his keen ears. He perked up, and kept his ears, eyes, and nose ready. The hooves were approaching fast. He was glad he took his bow, along with a few arrows. Normally it was a burden, but since he had traveled with the fellowship, he felt naked without it. He silently drew his arrow. The hooves were closer than ever.

"Halt or you shall be shot down." He shouted, eyes finally locked onto his target. He was on a horse, that much he knew from listening, but he was hooded, and not un-armed; legolas could make out the hilt of a sward.

" The figure stopped, and looked around, trying to find the source of the voice, but he found it was futile, and spoke.

" I am here to talk to Prince Legolas." He shouted back, with a clear, and very familiar voice. Then it dawned on Legolas, he looked at the hilt again, and recognized it easily. Cursing himself for not figuring it out sooner. He jumped from the branch he was on, and nearly knocked down the rider with a hug.

"Aragorn! It is been so long!" Legolas shouted. He released the ranger. Aragorn pulled his hood back to reveil a smiling face; if not a bit older.

" It has been a few years since our quest, has it not? It is good to see you again, my soon-to-" He was cut off by a yelp from the fair elf.

" Please! If you have aby mercy left in you, don't finish that sentence. It has been a hectic day, and it all seemed to have to do with that blasted phrase!" Legolas cried, not wanting to think about that again. Ever. 

" Alright, I will not, Legolas. I bring good news though, even though it has been 5 years, we are finally having a reunion. I have already invited the hobbits. It will do them some good to see old friends, ever since the passing of poor old Bilbo…" Aragorns voice trailed off. Legolas lowered his head.

" On a brighter note, we will be traveling to Lord Elrond's palace. You and I are the only ones absent from it. Gimli wanted to come, but he knew he would only slow us down. He still can't ride a horse properly." Aragorn joked. Legolas smiled. Aragorn dismounted, and led the horse through the forest behind the elf's lead.

After a day in Mirkwood, Aragorn was rested, and Legolas was packed and ready to leave. He had his bow and a quiver full of arrows, just in case. Aragorn as usual, packed lightly, as did Legolas. They were about to leave, when an elf maiden came racing up towards Legolas. He went absolutely pale.

" Go! To the stables, no stopping!" Legolas hissed, his feet already moving quite fast. Aragorn raced ahead as well.

"Why? Whats wrong?" He asked through gasps; already Legolas was speeding too fast for Aragorn. Before he could answer, Legolas made a sharp turn, then ran straight through some trees. Before long, they reached the stables.

" Just a minor short cut." Legolas said, regaining his composure. 

" You still haven't answered my question. What was wrong.?" Aragorn asked, sounding somewhat suspicious.

" Well, these horses… they're for… well, they're not for me to ride, but they are the fastest here, and I highly doubt there is going to be a war that will happen, and we would need all of our horses." Legolas said, trying to sound inconspicuous. Aragorn gave him an odd look, but smiled. They picked out a horse to their liking, mounted them, and were about to leave, when seemingly out of no-where, that same annoying elf maiden popped into the stable.

" Legolas Greenleaf! Stealing from your own kin! How low can one sink?" She cried, sounding deeply astonished.

" If they are my own kin, and I am merely borrowing it, then how is it stealing?" He retorted. She looked as though he had slapped her, in fact, he was very tempted to. She began to shake her head, and tsk'ed about something. He was about to ride away, when she finally spoke.

" This is very irrisponsible for a soon-to-be king." She spat. Legolas let out a cry that reminded Aragorn of a wounded animal that was just caught. Before he could do anything, his horse took off, obviously following Legolas' horse. The two burst out of the stable and where home free. Until Legolas picked up a sound of a third horse following them. He swiveled his head around, only to see that same elven maiden following them. Aragorn didn't know what to think. So he continued to follow Legolas, who kept making sharp turns trying to evade the stalker. After what seemed like hours, they finally rested. Aragorn looked at Legolas, and tried to stifle his laughter. He failed miserably.

" Do you mock me?" Legolas shouted, making his appearance even more beastly. His blonde hair tousled and mingled with sweat, his face contorted with a sort of blind rage.

" Nay, I do not. You just seem… stressed. That's all." Aragorn coaxed, but knowing it sounded false. Amazingly enough, his looks relaxed. Legolas ran his long, slender hand through his blonde tendrals. He even cracked a smile.

" I would swear she was put on this place to make my life miserable." He said, almost to himself. Aragorn nodded with a half smile, and laid down. Using his arms as a pillow, and an extra cloak to keep the winter air from freezing his blood, he nodded off to sleep. Legolas soon followed.

Aragorn awoke to darkness. He blinked, completely disorientated. Definitely too early to awake naturally. He guessed it must not have been more than three hours since he went to sleep. A cry. He heard a cry. It reminded him of a wounded animal- no wait, a wounded Legolas to be more precise. 

" You are NOT being very kingly. I should hope that you have gotten some mo-" That same annoying voice was cut off by another cry from Legolas, and the sound of him mounting a horse. Aragorn was quick to grab his things and join. The elf maiden had left her horse behind, and was some what shocked at his actions. She blinked again as she heard Legolas shout something to her; which sounded something like 'elven version of gollum'. 

Legolas would not rest for more than an hour at a time. Aragorn was still unsure of his fair-faced friend. He was wound up so tightly, he was sure he would of snapped. Needless to say, they made it to Rivendale faster than anyone expected.

Blood thirsty: More to come… that is if ppl are reading this. 

Legolas: If you are, please have a heart, and DON'T REVIEW! It only fuels her more! She doesn't feed me! And I'm all alone!

Blood thirsty: fine, I'll have mercy on you. * throws him a bone * there…

Legolas: but I still have no one to keep me company…

Blood thirsty: Ahem… anyhoo, I was hoping you'd review, if your reading this… you obviously are though, anyway, I don't demand reviews, but I would like to know even if one person likes it. Flames are welcome too… though they're mean… tata, there's more to come… hopefully. 


	2. Romance, friends, and... mud?

Blood thirsty: Second chapter, THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR REVIEWING! I am happy someone is reading it… and you'll be happy to know I've decided to feed my muse, though now he's finding more things to complain about. 

Legolas: * walks in from the kitchen with a turkey leg * yes, I have. I am a lone muse. I need some one to talk to… or maybe a hobby. Can I have my bow and arrows back?

Blood thirsty: uh… no. Until you prove to me you won't talk and conspire with them, then your not getting them back.

Legolas: Then what about your spelling error… hmm? Rivendell! Not dale, dell. And you call yourself a stalker.

Blood thirsty: I am not a stalker. You're my muse, why would I want to stalk you? Now get back to work.

Legolas: * mumbles and goes back to the kitchen *

Blood thirsty: Thanks amy! That one review kept me going!

Ever since Aragorn and Legolas had made it back safely without the "gollum elf"as Legolas had said it; the elf was much more relaxed. The fellowship began to talk, and soon all was forgotten about the elven prince's stalker. They began to jest and joke about old times. All of them avoided the topics of Boromir and Bilbo.

"… then Frodo walks in, along with the Gaffer, and Pip and Merry just run away leaving me to feel his wrath! Luckily Frodo was there to help." Sam Gamgee finished, glaring at the two sniggering hobbits. Gandalf could not suppress his laughter. Soon they were all laughing merrily as though their past experiences where nothing but some sort of joke. There re-aquantince was soon over as Elrond the half-elf walked in. A small smiled gently played across his lips.

" I take it you're all happy to see eachother again?" The elder inquired. The all nodded. "then follow me, and let the feast begin." He said, almost laughing as he saw the looks on the hobbits' faces. Soon they were all silent, aside from the sound of munching. The feast was well prepared, and after a while, Legolas felt as though he was going to burst.

" Do you mind if I go to the forest? I would much like to see some of the trees here in Rivendell again." He asked Elrond. Elrond nodded, smiling to himself yet again. He was very happy for his daughter, but he wouldn't have minded a son like Legolas. Legolas smiled in thanks, and walked away from the table. Gimli soon followed.

It had been about 3 months since they had arrived at Rivendell, and spring was upon them. Gimli and Legolas still had their comical jests, which amused anyone who watched. Legolas soon made a habit of visiting the woods of Rivendell. He was surprised when Gimli went with him, which now was more often than none.

" Wait for a moment, allow me some time to catch up!" A gruff voice called to him. Legolas looked behind him, and grinned. Gimli was soon beside him, and they both walked into the cover of the trees. They were silent for a long while, until Legolas perked his head up.

" It's going to rain. I can smell it." He stated matter-of-factly. Gimli sniffed the air, and nodded.

" At least we are in the cover of the forest." Gimli said, trying to be an optimist, which he wasn't very good at. Legolas had a grim look on his face. Sure enough, when the rain did come, the trees provided little protection from the spring rain. Gimli made a grunt of unsatisfaction, and received a smirk from his elven friend.

" What do you smile at, elf?" Gimli demanded, already knowing that glint in those blue depths meant trouble. Legolas' answer was a handful of mud thrown at the suspicious dwarf. Gimli blinked, wiped away the mud from his face, and retaliated with a fistful of saturated soil.

Aragorn smiled. He sat contently in the trees, Arwen held in his arms. She sighed. Normally she didn't like the rain, but being with Aragorn made it all the better. He shifted her so he could see her face. A playful smile played across his features.

" Why do you sigh? Bored of me already?" He jested. She smirked back, mischief playing in her eyes.

" With you? Of course. What's not to be bored of?" She retorted. She knew what his answer would be. He leaned in closer. As did she. Their lips would of met had she not cried out and fallen out of his grip from surprise. Aragorn panicked and jumped down. At first he was worried, then he grinned. The side of her face was covered with mud. She looked more angry then surprised. Fast approaching foot steps got both of their attention. Another sailing batch of mud nearly hit Aragorn. He stepped out of the way, rendering Arwen open for the attack. It hit her square in the throat. 

" You missed again Elf! Your aim is getting worse!" Came the triumphant sound of Gimli.

" Only because of the rain and mud clouding my vision!" Retorted a pride-bruised elf. Gimli looked ahead of him, and nearly crashed into Aragorn. Unfortunately, Legolas was running too fast, and didn't see the two. He tried to stop, and would have succeeded, had it not been for the lack of grip and friction. He went sailing into Gimli, who crashed against Aragorn, who fell into the mud. Unfortunately, also crushing the mud stained elf. Gimli elbowed Legolas in the gut, which caught him off guard, sending him across the mud, slipping and sliding. Gimli had just gotten up, and Arwen was nearly out from under Aragorn, when history repeated itself, and Legolas tackled Gimli. The two were wrestling eachother, until Arwen let out a battle cry. They were all covered in mud. Legolas and Gimli looked at the enraged elf, and the look of pure anger and contempt remind Legolas of an orc. She stood there, shaking with rage. Gimli looked bewildered, but Legolas soon added 2 and 2. Arwen. Aragorn. Alone. In the woods. ' crap' he thought.

" Please! Beg your pardon! Me and Gimli were… uh, just leaving." He said. With that, he put on a cheesy smile, grabbed the dwarf, and took off like a bat outta hell. Gimli was still confused, but didn't object to being taken away from the evil creature that had taken over Arwen.

Aragorn looked at Arwen. The look on her face even frightened him.

" Please," He pleaded, hoping to wipe the look of absolute rage on her face away." They were merely playing around." Her look soon became that of an imp, and she stepped forward. He smiled their faces were mere inches apart. He closed his eyes. But instead of her lips, he felt a cold, slimy substance on his face being smeared around. He opened his eyes, annoyance clear in them.

"What?" She asked innocently." I was merely playing." She said, satisfaction oozing from her voice. She smiled at the look of disappointment in the ranger's face. Again, she leaned in, this time, without mud in her hands.

"Well, that was quite… embarrassing." Stated the fair-haired elf. Gimli still looked baffled, and Legolas shook his head in despair. He picked up another handful of muck, and hurled it at a bush. Amazingly enough, it responded with a feminine sort of 'mmhp!' Gimli and Legolas stared at the bush for a few moments, and edged closer. The elf pulled a few branches aside and nearly screamed at what he saw.

" For a soon-to-be-king, you can be highly immature." Stated the nameless elf maiden. Gimli looked confused, and Legolas looked absolutely horrified. He let out a strangled "Elf Gollum!" And fled.

The maiden pushed her way past the stunned dwarf, and sped after the prince.

Aragorn and Arwen never wanted the moment to end, and the knowledge of Legolas' consideration for the two would ensure he did not come this way again. Though before either could brake away from their kiss, the same fair faced elf came barging through, though taking no noticed of them. Poor Arwen was again in the mud. She stood up no longer for three seconds until another elven blur came racing through the same path as Leoglas. As she passed, she again succeeded in knocking the already muddy elf into a puddle. Aragorn stood there, unsure of what happened. Instead of the dark haired elf getting up from the puddle she was in, she sat there and pouted. Aragorn blinked, then went to the task of helping Arwen up; which was not easy, since she fought against him. Finally he gave up, and sat in the mud with her. He just hoped that second blur was not who he thought it was. ' Poor Legolas' he thought, smiling in pity.

Legolas: What was that? Man, if Arwen were here, she would kick your mortal butt from here to middle earth and back.

Blood thirsty: Shut it elf boy. This is why I don't give you a muse. I might let you go, IF the reviewer/reviewers decide to have pity on you. If not, then they can choose if they want you to suffer alone, or if they want misery to have company. So, amy, I hope your still reading this, and if it's just you, then the choice is yours. But I would appreciate feed back from everybody reading it, and I will give you recognition! 

Legolas: Real brainer trying to bride them in the story, than in the summary. Hey! We have a regular genius here!

Blood thirsty: ANYWAY! Please review, I would really appreciate constructive criticism, if anything, flame if you must, but they will be used to fry the defiance out of me little muse… * grins evilly *

Legolas: * swallows nervously * 

Oh, disclaimer, don't own it. Never will. Happy? Now lawyers, please put away your suitcases.


	3. Finally the plot!

Blood thirsty: Yay!!! Amy is STILL reviewing! Kudos to her! I do have a plot; it just hasn't shown up yet.

Legolas: yeah right, you probably just thought it up from the top of your head as soon as she mentioned it.

Blood thirsty: shut up. For you Amy, I will give him what he wants… just cause I'm a nice person.

Legolas: LET ME GO!!!!!

Blood thirsty: If I let you go, then you wouldn't be my muse, so I could shoot you…* pulls out a shotgun *

Legolas: crap…

Blood thirsty: Ook, disclaimer… I hate this. I do not own it. If I did, Legolas would be the ring bearer, and HE would go through all the tortures…

" What kind of soon-to-be king are you?! You are immature, selfish, and spoiled rotten!" Miranda (AKA gollum elf) shouted as she made her grip tighter on Legolas' ear. He yelped as she pulled on his tender lobe. Arwen then yanked on his other ear. Yelling out not-so-pleasant things to him, while Aragorn and Gimli watched in amusement at their friend's misfortune.

" What am I to do with you?" Miranda the elf-gollum sighed. She released his ear and shook her head in disappointment.

" I know what to do with him." Arwen spat. Legolas looked up just in time to feel the final blow. Aragorn and Gimli stared at her, shocked at the sudden display of violence. Legolas' eyes were wide, but not for the same reason. He let out a small groan, and sank to his knees. Even Miranda was surprised at that.

" T-that was uncalled for." Gimli stuttered. Arwen had found a weakness that he and every other mortal man shared. The family jewels. Arwen then stalked off leaving a stunned group, and a pained elf. Aragorn was the first to snap out of the stunned daze and rush to the crippled elf and help him up.

" I will talk to her, I never would have expected her to do- well, to do that." Aragorn explained, trying to think of an excuse. Legolas was starting to regain his senses when the gollum came up to him again. He shuddered and stood, now able to walk, though very awkwardly. 

" As much as that probably hurt. You certainly deserved it." She said. Before Legolas could muster up a comeback, she turned serious.

" If you must know, I am not sent here to stalk you. I was sent as a messenger; as ironic as that may be. Mirkwood was attacked by orcs." She said solemnly. The blonde haired elf practically jumped on her with questions.

" What happened? Is Mirkwood destroyed? Are my father and brothers alright? How many of my kin were hurt? W-" He was cut off by the sharp response from Miranda.

" Mirkwood is fine. Hardly any damage was done. Your brothers are fine. Not many kin were hurt. To sum up what happened, an ambush. We were not prepared for it. We drove them off but…" Her voice trailed off. Gimli and Aragorn seemed satisfied, but the look on Legolas' face told them he was not.

" You tell me my brothers are fine; but what of my father?" Legolas asked, almost timidly, as if afraid of the answer. Miranda looked away and murmured something. Gimli and Aragorn didn't catch it, for their hearing was not keen enough; but Legolas understood it all too well.

" How… how could that happen? He would not let himself be taken by the orcs! He is stronger than that! He will surely be tortured!" Legolas cried, his face void of any blood that should have given him color. 

" Do not fear! The leader of the orcs have made a deal. No harm will be brought to our king, for a price." She said, again, her voice trailing off. Legolas looked angry now.

" What price would that be. Surely our kingdom has enough riches to pay their ransom." He stated. Her look only made him angrier. "What do you hide from me?" He snarled. Again, her answer was made only for his ears, although Gimli tried in vain to hear what she said. Legolas looked shocked then scared. He stood there for while, until Gimli could not stand being ignored any longer.

" What is it that those foul beasts want? If your kingdom does not have enough, then I shall enter some of our fortune." He said. Legolas only looked more saddened. The elf turned and began to walk towards the castle of Rivendell. Miranda just looked depressed. Almost pitying Legolas. She turned to face his fellow companions.

" Those orcs are… well, they are heir to the ones that were killed in the fight at Helms deep. They care not for the man and the dwarf, for reason I know not. They seem to still hold the hatred for elves that orcs always have. Their ransom is not riches. It is Prince Legolas himself." She said. Gmili and Aragorn stared at her for no more than a few seconds, until it dawned on them what Legolas would do.

" We cannot let him sacrifice himself like that! We must stop him and talk some sense into him." Aragorn commanded. Gimli nodded, like lightening, the pair were running towards the castle after the retreating form of Legolas. They did not even have to enter the castle, for Legolas was already loading his horse. Aragorn came forcefully and before the elf could react, grabbed him by the shoulders and shook him.

" You will do this! It is suicide!" Aragorn shouted, followed by a grunt and a nod of agreement from the dwarf.

" And if I don't, it would be like murder." Legolas said coldly. Aragorn released him, but spoke.

" If you go, I shall go too," He said. Legolas was about to object, but Gimli spoke before him.

" As shall I" Gimli stated, as though no one should ever move him from his words. Legolas' mouth was open, and was about to protest about their insanity, when from the bushes, popped four halflings.

" Don't forget about us! If the rest of the fellowship is going, then we shall too! Gandalf is readying Shadowfax!" Pippin chirped. Legolas was beyond anger, more into astonishment. He blinked.

" How- what? How in blazes did you find out about this?!" He shouted, more out of curiosity than anything. Before anyone got to answer, Gandalf and Shadowfax came trotting in, prideful yet humble. Though even he looked baffled on how the hobbits found out about it.

" I was told by Lord Elrond; who knew about your fathers' ill fate long before I did. The only reason he didn't tell you was because your brothers had already sent out a messenger. He did not want to spoil the little time of happiness you have had. Lord Elrond has given us permission to use his horses, without them, our little hobbits would be forced to stay behind." Gandalf explained. He then had a thoughtful look in his face, and turned towards the four halflings.

" How did you find out about this anyway?" He asked, amusement present in his features.

" Well, you see-" Merry was about to explain, when Frodo cut him off.

" I don't want your excuse to go on forever. We don't know where we are going, or what we are doing, but he saw Legolas collect his things in quite the hurry, and then Gandalf soon followed suite. So we followed them. We are all packed up and ready. So if you please, would you explain to us what's going on?" Frodo said, all too innocently. Gandalf gave them the classic "Fool of a Took, Baggins, Brandybuck, and Gamgee" look. Aragorn saved them by explaining what he knew; which now was most of it. The hobbits took it well, and without a second thought, were ready to go. By now, Legolas looked relieved, and awed by the faithfulness of his companions. He was most moved by this, and was speechless. This was his battle, yet all of them were willing to help him. He probably would have refused their help, had it not been for the fact that it would of offended him; plus they would not take no for an answer. ' I suppose this is a test of friendship' he thought.

After a night of rest, they were ready to go. Arwen stopped them, to say goodbye to Aragorn, and apologize to Legolas.

" Please, forgive me Legolas. I was having a bad day, and I shouldn't have taken it out on you." At the mention of that, he blushed, whether from embarrassment, or just the thought of remembrance." I will make sure that your messenger gets sent home safely." She finished with a nod. She then approached Aragron, murmured something in elvish, and kissed him. Legolas smiled, Merry, Pippin, and Gimli rolled their eyes, while receiving elbows in the stomachs from Frodo and Sam, while Gandalf just looked thoughtful. Finally, they were off to find the band of vengeful orcs. With the crack of dawn upon them, they faded into the trees.

Lord Elrond watched them ride into the tangle of different shades of greens and browns. ' I hope they know what they're doing' he thought. Then chuckled at his doubts ' they are the fellowship. They've been through worse.' His thoughts were interrupted by an elven maiden.

" Milord. You need not worry; we gave them our finest horses. Though it was a fair amount. Six is a good number." She said, reading the look on his face. She had expected some sort of relief, but it only contorted into confusion.

" Six? But they only needed five-" He was interrupted by Arwen, with the same sort of bewildered look on her face as his.

" I have looked everywhere, but I cannot seem to find the messenger from Mirkwood. You don't know where she is, do you?" She directed at the maiden; though also hoping for a response from her father as well. Elrond then had a look of disbelief.

" She wouldn't… would she?"

Blood thirsty: Chapter 3 done! Finally. 

Legolas: you… I feel so violated…

Blood thirsty: Get over it, yeesh.

Legolas: What? Give me some sort of socialization and I will be content. I mean really. The last thing I need is for that little wench following me around.

Blood thirsty : fine, I'll get you some company, okay? Sheesh… * Walks out of the room * 

Legolas: uh… Am I alone?

Blood thirsty : * returns with two potato sacks * there, happy? 

Legolas: what? 

Blood thirsty: Aragorn and Gollum are the only two people I could find. Content?

Legolas : Aragorns gonna hate me…

Blood thirsty: as always, please review, and I will give you praise! If that helps. It has a plot! It's now going to be action/adventure! Yay! Hope you like, so far, only dedicated to Amy and Ems, cause THEY REVIEWED!!! YAY!!!!!!


	4. Traps and embarrassing 'precious moments...

Blood thirsty: Yay! Thank you SO much for reviewing! It's one thing to hear about how reviews make all the difference, but when you really get them! Thank you Amy, you are da bamb! Jinn! Thank you! Yeah, he is still mad at me for his uh… violation… but I hope he'll get over it…

Legolas: Not likely. Me, Aragorn, and Gollum are going on strike!

Aragorn: Shut it elf man, you got me involved in this. The last thing I want is to cause a mutany.

Gollum: She'sss mean… jusst like nassty hobbitsss… O yes perciousss… 

Aragorn and Legolas: SHUT UP!

Blood thirsty: Anyway, next part is now up, enjoy!

" Would you two stop that infernal noise? Do you WANT the orcs to find us?" Gandalf yelled. The hobbit and the dwarf went silent. Legolas was up ahead, trying to ignore they're annoying argument. He held up his hand to silence them. A concentrated look passed onto his pale face. The sound of hooves met their ears.

" Someone is following us." He stated. Just then, the sound of hooves stopped.

" If your going out to find our king, then you shall have someone around to watch your back." Miranda said, her horse now emerging from the bushes. Legolas went very pale. His eyes were wide enough to be mistaken for blue moons. His open mouth reminded Merry of a fish.

" We would watch his back. It's just like the fellowship." Gimli stated in the fellowship's defence. The elf-gollum merely snorted.

" Yes, an old man, a king wanna-be, four halfings, and a dwarf." The last word she spat with contempt. Gimli was insulted. Legolas then stepped in.

" I'll have you know that I would trust Gimli with my life. I would much rather have a warrior such as him watch my back, than to have a maiden like you." Legolas shouted.

" You might want to keep your voice down. You don't know what can hear you in the forest. I would of thought being in the fellowship would of taught you that." She replied. Bitterness was dripping from her words. She dismounted her horse, and walked in front of them. Reluctantly, either to humor her, or to just shut her up, they followed. She stopped suddenly, so fast they nearly walked into eachother. 

" Stay close. We are being watched. These forests have many eyes." She murmured, trying to sound mysterious. But as soon as she stepped, a small 'twang' could be heard, then the whisp of some sort of string, then the trap she had triggered had set off. They found themselves in a net, hanging from a tree. Each tried to reach their weapon to cut loose, but found that they were in too odd of a position. The net was starting to dig into their skin. They were all calling out and mumbling, trying to find a way to escape.

" What a fine sense of danger you have Miranda." Legolas said, with mock astonishment. She tried to shoot him a deadly glare, but had the back of Gandalf's head to deal with.

"Get your elbow out of my stomach!" Pippin yelled.

" I will when you get your foot out of my ribs!" Merry shouted back. The two would of gotten into a heated discussion, had Legolas not silenced them yet again. They heard voices. They seemed to be coming closer.

" Aye, you think we caught anything? Maybe we caught dinner!" said a male voice, no older then 12. Another responded.

" Blimey. If we caught anything in that useless trap, it deserves to be eaten." This one sounded a little older. By the time they had reached the trap, they stopped talking, and just stared. A little girl was with them as well. No older than 6. The eldest child burst out laughing.

" Well grab my ears and call me dumb! I think we caught ourselves something! A group of men and dwarves!" He cheered.

" We are not dwarves, nor men. We are hob-whoomph!" Pippin was cut off by an elbow in the tum from none other than Merry.

" Shut up Pip!" Merry snapped. Gimli made sort of a grunt, and tried to squirm and reach his axe; but to no avail.

"I should say, what kind of a group is this, if they can get caught by a bunch of kids." The middle child laughed.

" It wouldn't of happened had I not been occupied trying to protect a certain someone." The elf-gollum snorted. That was the last straw for Legolas. He twisted and turned, trying to reach the female elf. Though it only resulted in getting Aragorn and Gandalf angry.

"Legolas! Please STOP moving around!" Aragorn shouted. The children looked at them with disbelief. They stared for a little while longer, and then began to squeal.

"It's the fellowship!"

" I always wanted to meet a ranger!"

" Elves are so pretty!" 

" I wonder if mum will let them stay with u-" They were cut off by the sound of some one clearing their throat.

"Oh, right then." And with that, the oldest child began to cut them down. After they had been cut down, and in Legolas' case, calmed down, they made their introductions.

"Im Joseph, but every one calls me joe. This is my brother Charles, and that's Annie." Said the older sibling.

"We know who you are." Charles said. " And the lady elf must be the beautiful elf Arwen!" He said. At that, Miranda went completely red. " Though some how I always thought she would be prettier." He added non-chalontly. She huffed, and Legolas snickered, but other than that, they followed the trio of children.

After a while, the arrived at a small cottage in a clearing of the forest.

" Mum! Pa! We have the fewowship!" Cried Annie, grasping Legolas' hand squealing like a mad school girl. Miranda narrowed her eyes. Aragorn noticed. ' Hm… interesting notion' he thought to himeslf. He watched Legolas being dragged to the cottage, until Joe spoke.

" So… you're the Strider?" He asked, anticiaption sparkling in his green eyes. Aragorn smiled and nodded.

" Yes, why do you need to ask?" He said.

" Oh, just wondering." He covered up his face, but Aragron could clearly see the admiration in his face. It never occurred to him that people actually looked up to him. They finally reached the cottage. It was nice, it looked as though it was made from the hands of a talented carpenter. The logs on the outside seemed to be sanded to the finest edge. A young women and a handsome man walked out, humoring their daughter's cries; until they laid eyes upon the group that followed them. They're gazes passed over the members, and landed on the female elf.

"Arwen I presume?" The women asked. " Ah… I expected you to be more… majestic… no offence meant." She added hastily. She turned beet red. Mirnada looked highly insulted. 

" She is not Arwen. Arwen is much more beautiful and cautious when there is danger present." Legolas said with a coy grin.

" Then she is your betrothed?" She asked. Legolas nearly died on the spot. 

" No! Not at all! In fact, she followed us! I would rather her not of come at all!" He said, clearly stating that he wanted nothing to do with her. Needless to say, they found another topic to talk about.

Later, after supper, the hobbits were telling stories of the fellowship. All the children were mesmorized. Annie was sitting in Legolas' lap. She was very taken by the elf, with his features, and just the regular atmosphere that elves bring.

"… then BANG! Shelob came, but I fought her off with Sting! Boy was she fat! Though her hide was strong, her weight was enough to push anything through that hide of her's! Then-" Sam was silenced by disturbed stares from the family, and odd looks from the fellowship. " Well, that we can talk about some other time." He said, turning an interesting shade of colors.

" Let Legles tell a stowie!" she said, pulling on a few blonde strands that hung around his shoulders. He smiled slightly.

" I am not one for story telling." He said, and Gimli noticed a few times, that when Legolas was asked to talk, or story tell, he would blush a bit, and find an excuse to not. He was just so modest.

" Then sing us somefing!" She pleaded. Legolas turned a bit more red. To add even more pressure, Pippin decided to help as well.

" Yes, when ever you kept watch, you would always sing about tales from Mirkwood! You have such a pretty singing voice!" Pippin chirped, knowing Legolas hated being put in the spotlight. Soon almost the entire household (including the fellowship) were begging him to sing. He turned his head to the side; trying to hide the blood rushing to his face. Then a stern feminine voice dominated over all others.

" We will take offence if you do not sing for us." The mother said. Legolas looked at her. He then looked at the husband for some help, but his look matched the one on his wife's face. He looked at the fellowship for help, but they were all too amused to help. ' Great.' Legolas thought. He cleared his throat, and began a song. It was just one about the forest of Mirkwood. Soon, his voice grew louder and more confident. After a few minutes, he was singing very proudly, and Annie was clapping along. Soon, the song finished, and the fellowship and the family broke out in cheers. Legolas smiled some what awkwardly. They soon began to tell more adventurous, and less graphic tales about their journey, until it came when they were all too exhausted to laugh any more. Miranda shot a dirty look at Legolas before she went to sleep.

Finally morning came. The sun had barely peaked above the horizon when he heard voices. They came from the living room. He knew at once it was Miranda's and the parents. He assumed the kids were asleep. For once, assuming was right. It was also a very good thing.

"… then, when he was no more than 20 years old, he came running around the palace with nothing on but a small-" She was cut off by the yelp of a certain elven price racing in and covering her mouth with his hands.

" Shhh! Please! Spare me!" He begged, already unnaturally red. She tore away from his grip, and continued.

" As I was saying. He ran around the palace with nothing on but a –" Again, she was silenced by his hand, and this time he dragged her out of the room.

" What ARE you doing?" He hissed. She smirked indiginatly.

" I am merely proving that their 'little prince' is not so perfect. Her smirk grew wider.

" What did you tell them." He demanded. She merely smiled.

" What did you tell them?!" he almost shouted. She remained silent. He lost his temper, and dragged her outside. As he was, the wife came in.

" It doesn't really matter. We all do those kind of things when we're young. Elves are just younger for longer, though I would never think that some one as proper and polite as you would do something like that." She said, amusement filling her voice.

" D-do something like what?" He ventured, trying not to stutter. He saw the wife smile.

" Try to convince the entire palace that you were a girl." She snickered. A noise escaped his throat. One that you couldn't tell if it was a whimper or a growl, most likely both. Then, to legolas' pure horror, Miranda cried out

" He was wearing only a small piece of a leaf!" She shouted. Legolas bolted. His face felt like it had been rubbed raw, and it looked that way too. After about an hour of pacing in the woods, he realized that he couldn't hide out in the woods. He had to go back. He sighed. ' this is going to be a loooong day' he thought. He began his journey to the place where he would not be able to look his hosts in the eye.

He arrived, and thy had already started breakfast. The father grinned at him, the mother gave him that 'your so precious!' look. He moaned in frustration, and took a seat by Aragorn. He sighed. They ate breakfast, and talked a bit more. Noon came, and the fellowship decided they should take off. He was sad to leave such a family behind, but also glad, for now he could punish her. He smirked. 'That should be quite entertaining.' He thought. They said their goodbyes, and took off.

A little while into the forest, Aragorn leaned over the side of his horse towards Legolas, and whispered

" I am sure that you would of made a fine girl." Amusement was dripping out of his words. Legolas went white as a ghost.

" Gollum! You told the whole fellowship!?" She shouted. She put an innocent look on her face.

" Told them what?" She replied, trying to sound inconspicuous. Gimli chuckled.

" You mean your deep desire to be a girl?" He said, trying as well to sound innocent. Legolas stormed ahead, not meeting any of their gazes. He heard them snickering and joking. 'Great, this is just perfect.' He thought angrily to himself. He overheard some one say something; it sounded a lot like Aragorn.

"… but we know he is not a girl. Arwen proved that to us." They burst out into howls of laughter.


	5. Seduction, capture, and trees.

Blood thirsty: Oh… my… gosh… I… got a review! From THE AJ Matthews!

Legolas: Oh please. You don't even read slash.

Blood thirsty: So? Whats your point, the author's a LEGEND! Besides, I'm sure his stories are great… He is a guy right? I assume that by the name… but it could be a last name… crap. But, my story got read AND reviewed by THE AJ Matthews! * falls into a dreamy state*

Aragorn: Is she gonna wake up? Or do we have to introduce the story?

Legolas: Uh, I think the latter.

Aragron: * pokes Blood thirsty* I think so too.

Legolas: She also realizes that the author's name is AJ Matthews, not THE AJ Matthews…

Aragron: Ah well, we'll rub that in when she wakes up from her ego-stroking.

Gollum: chapter fiiiive… preciousssss… 

Legolas: I think he likes that piece of plastic just cause it's shiny…

Aragorn: Oh, and these -~-~-~-~-~ signal a flash back… as to not confuse you.

'_wonderful. Just marvelous. I am lost. Whats worse, I'm lost with Gollum.'_ Gimli thought miserably. They had split up into groups. Legolas, Elf-gollum, and Gimli. Gandalf and Frodo and Sam, and Merry, Pippin and Aragorn. Gimli was so angry at Legolas though. That elf could be so stubborn. It was raining yet again, and that didn't help with his foul mood.

" You do know it's impossible to hunt an el-" Miranda was cut off by the growl from Gimli.

" I would rather we tried, and failed. At least I would die knowing the fact that you died too." He spat. She snorted, but kept silent. He muttered to himself for a while. '_Foolish elf'_ he thought.

" I can see that look on your face, dwarf. It's no use putting the blame on me." She stated, reading his face. He sighed in defeat. She _was _right after all. It wasn't hers. He could put the blame on the elven prince himself, but that wouldn't be right either. It was just a bad decision made from a good heart.

~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~

" Look! Orc prints! This has to be the tribe that kidnapped my father!" Legolas shouted enthusiastically. It had been the only real good sign in his life in the past week or two. They had followed it for about a league, and then, it separated into three different paths. One of which had elven arrows in it. Legolas cursed the bad luck fate had bestowed on them. He paced for no more than a minute, until he came to a decision. 

" We will split up into three groups. I shall follow the one with the arrows." The blonde elf commanded. Aragorn, who was wiser when it came to leading, went against it.

" That sounds smart, but separating isn't a good idea. It always leads to misfortune. We shall choose one, and follow it." The tone of voice Aragorn used mad Legolas see red, and he took that offensively. 

" You question my elven senses? How dare you! It is not your father that has been kidnapped, is it? How should you know what to do if you've never been in this position?!" Legolas fumed. Aragron would have made argument, but soon came to the conclusion that a dispute was useless. He sighed and nodded. So he went with Merry and Pippin to the path in the middle. Gandalf, Frodo and Sam went to the one on the right, and Legolas, Gimli and Miranda went to the one on the left. 

It had been less than an hour, before both Miranda and Legolas went ridged with concentration, as if straining to hear something. Before either had time to react, a small '_woomp'_ could be heard, and Legolas cried out. Miranda looked at him as he pulled a small dart from the back of his neck. He had a look of confusion, which was soon replaced by a look of panic as more darts came flying through the air. One hit the head of Gimli's axe, and Miranda kept dodging them. They were soon running through the trees at an alarming rate, though the rustle of leaves in the trees beside them told them it was useless. Seemingly out of the blue, Legolas collapsed, and before Miranda or Gimli had time to pick him up and carry him, a swift shadow came from the trees and snatched his limp form. Then all went silent. Only the hard breathing of the elf and dwarf could be heard. They both looked at eachother, and no words had to be shared. They were already out scouting for the lost comrade.

~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~

Legolas woke up with a dull thud in his head. Then the dull thud came again, and again. He winced as the light hit his eyes like some sort of merciless warrior. He tried to roll over, but found he was chained into place. Panic rose in him as he remembered what had happened. Just as he was about to start the classic 'squirm until to break free' tactic, a creepy form emerged out of a shadow in the corner. It was very creepy. It looked like an elf, but with pitch-black hair, and instead of bright green eyes, or deep blue eyes, it was a sharp crimson color. Plus, they were much paler than normal, even in elf standards. 

" Do not fear. We are not going to hurt you… yet. You are merely hear because this is our territory, and you do not seem to be of our kin." He said. His face was long, almost snake-like.

" I was looking for my father. He was captured by orcs, and I was sent to save him." Legolas said bravely, but not feeling it at all. The dark elf seemed to be almost amused.

" A father, captured by orcs, relying on his son to save him. I don't think he deserves to be saved." He stated, but added as he saw the look of anger on Legolas' face. " I merely think it is a sign of weakness. I meant no offence. You have spirit, and that has just rewarded you a chance to not be killed. You will have judgement passed by our princess. You will call her ' Princess Allura'." He said bluntly.

" I thought you said you wouldn't hurt me?" Legolas questioned, almost timidly.

" I did say that, but I said nothing about not killing you. Now come, or you will die at dawn." And with that, he came over and undid the chains. Legolas remained silent, if not for his sake, then for his fathers.

It had been about three quarters of an hour's walk to get to the princess' throne room. It was definitely _not_ modest. It had jewels all over the walls. Behind the not-so-small chair, there was the words ' Princess Allura' Written in Gems. On the throne sat a very beautiful elf. She still looked like her kin, but she was less pale. She was a nice sight for Legolas; until she started to screech at her servants.

" HOW DARE YOU BRING AN ELF OF HIS KIND! HAVE HIM BE-HEADED AT ONCE!" Her loud and highly annoying voice rang through the palace like acid through veins. He winced, and for a few moments, _wanted_ to be be-headed. She glared venom at him, and said

" State your business here." She commanded. He had to make a good impression on her.

" I was merely searching for my father, who has been captured by a bad of orcs." He said, trying to get some slack from her. Though from the look on her face, it wasn't working. " Though I was blessed to awake in a presence of such a beautiful palace. Not to mention a beautiful princess." He added. To him, it sounded as cheesy and corny as something pulled out from a banquet, but it had the effect he needed. Her face instantly went from cold, to absolutely flattered. 

" Bring him to my quarters. We will talk there." She said, and with that, walked away. '_Maybe it worked a little too well'_ he thought to himself. 

It was another half an hour walk to get to her quarters. From the way the palace looked, she was indeed egotistic. The servant who took him to her quarters gave him a pitying sort of look. It made the prince quite nervous. He knocked three times. It was replied by a high pitched "Come iiin!". One last glance at the servant, and he received the look of pity again. The doors opened, and he gaped. They were at least 12 feet tall. He looked inside, and a waterfall, along with many other gorgeous wonders were in it. A king sized bed, with silk sheeting in a canopy. He blinked, it was then he noticed that same 'Princess Allura' Sitting on the bed. She signaled him to come in. He walked in slowly and nervously. She flashed him a seductive smile. He wanted to throw up. She patted the bed beside her. He sat as far away as possible.

" So, I hear you're on some sort of mission. Hmm?" She asked, twirling a strand of hair between her fingers.

"Well" He cleared his throat, afraid that his voice might crack. " I am, so I can't dilly dally in a place for long." He tried to hint that he was in a hurry. She pouted in a playful manner.

" Why not? No time for fun?" With that, she shuffled closer, and began to play with a strand of his hair. He felt very nauseated. He grinned.

" We could always go for a swim…" She murmured into his ear, letting the strap of her dress slide down her shoulder.

"I'd rather not." He said, still trying to give her the hint.

" That's okay…" She let her hand fall into his lap. That was it. He jumped up, and raced to the door.

"What?! What am I doing wrong?" She squealed, trying to fake tears. '_Think fast blonde'_ Legolas though frantically to himself.

" Uh, I'm… already wedded!" He said._ ' Yes! Quick move elfy!'_ he thought triumphantly. She frowned and countered

" With who?" She pouted again. '_Think fast! Move move move! Name! Miranda!… ew…'_

" Her name is Miranda. I'm sorry." He lied. She then brightened up, a bit.

" She obviously doesn't care about you! We found them wandering about! Her and a dwarf, right" She asked perkily. His stomach had an odd squelching feeling now. "She said that the only reason that she went to find you because your father would kill her if she let you fail." She continued. He now felt very cornered. '_I have to do something! I can't just let this happen… think think think! Think fast! You're a prince, act like one!'_ He smirked.

" Well, I would wed you, but your… how shall I say this… not my type." He said, trying to sound calm and cool. She frowned. Then she smiled again.

" Then I shall become your type!" Her smile seemed to be almost satanic with that innocence. He then walked out, not wanting to find out what she was thinking. He wondered around the palace until one of the guards found him. He swallowed and expected to be sent to an execution, but the guard merely sent him to his own quarters. Something was not right, because when he arrived there, the guard told him it was his orders to make sure Legolas didn't escape. This made the already jittery elf even more nerve wracked. He now had to think of a way to get Gimli and Miranda. He shuddered at the thought of that elven odd ball ever being his wife. He suddenly got visions of a bunch of Legolas and Miranda juniors running around, with Legolas drinking a lot of wine, and her being _really_ fat. He wasn't sure to burst out laughing, or to curl up into a ball and rock back and fourth. His mind kept trying to make some sort of escape plan from this demonic elven palace. He had probably sat there for about an hour until another one of those 'zombie' elves walked in. She again had a snake-like face, and she was unnaturally skinny. She held a platter with some sort of pink juice, and an elven bread, much like _lembas_. He was about to take a drink from the pink fluid, when he smelt it, and went against it. It didn't stink, but it smelt too sweet for his taste. He poured it into the nearest plant, took a nibble of the food, and went back to thinking. About an hour later, he found his eyes getting very sore from the lack of movement when the door opened again, and none other than 'Princess Allura' Came striding through. A look of triumph passed over her features. Legolas just groaned. She looked utterly surprised at that. Her gaze fell upon the glass that had held the pink stuff in it, then back to him. It repeated like that about three more times, until an unnoticed vine came slinking around her ankle, and dragged her across the floor towards it's trunk. She let out a small scream as more vines twisted around her, until she was nearly covered in vines. They held her tightly in place. Legolas wasn't sure to either laugh or go get help.

" You didn't drink the potion?!" She screeched. He blinked. A potion? He then burst into laughter. The potion!

" No, what _was_ that potion for anyways?" He asked, seemingly very amused. She squeaked out a cry then responded.

" It was a love potion you twit!" She spat angrily. She would have screamed more, but a vine had found it's way to her mouth and gagged her. He was nearly having spasms from laughing so hard. This was torment, his sides hurt from laughing so hard. Never had he ever though it possible for a plant to fall in love with an elf, but it was, after all, a love potion. With that, he walked out of the room. Now he had to find a way to get his comrades out of here before her people found her. ' _Married to Miranda. That's about as likely as Allura falling for the tree!'_ He snickered, then continued silently down the corridor.

Blood thirsty: Oh my gosh! I got lots of reviews! But a special thanks goes out to Amy! She has reviewed all my chapters so far! And how many times do I have to say it! Nothing between Miranda and Legolas!… I hope… oh, and thanks a bunch to Laureacale for that long review! You really think this is this good? ^_^!!! YAY!!! I reviewed your stories… but a little late I'd say… heh, ah well. THANK YOU!

Legolas: * to other muses * people keep asking the same questions because no body listens!

Muses: * snickers *

Blood thirsty: I heard that! I'll make you all pay! Aragron, you wait til next chapter! I'll show you… mwaa hahahaa!!!

Aragorn: Legolas, I HATE you! It's _your_ fault I'm here! I could have been with Arwen, but noo, I'm stuck with these freaks!

Gollum: Nassty human… mean… preciousss will get you….

Aragorn: I didn't mean you gollum.


	6. Escape and a 'newly wed' couple.

Blood thirsty: HI! I got lotsa nice reviews! I don't care if they're long! In fact, it's nice! Thanks so much! I'll get to thanking you all at my bottom authors notes.

Legolas: Yeah! Lot's of people want to buy me!

Aragorn: That really doesn't make you look good you know.

Legolas: Shut u-* gets hugged by blood thirsty *

Blood thirsty: NO! I will never let go! I promise! I'll never let go! * cheesy titanic music plays *

Legolas: O.o; START THE STORY! PLEASE!

Aragorn: Uh, chapter 6 now… please enjoy!

  


__

'please, let them pass' Legolas hoped as a few guards ran past him. He smiled. Finally, fate was taking pity him. As soon as they passed, he followed the corridor he had switched onto. It had been about three hours since that egotistic elf-gollum-wannabe had been caught up in that 'lovers embrace'. He still couldn't help but snicker at that. He found a flight of stairs that led down into a dark corridor. He light-footedly walked down the stairs as to not make any sound. That corridor was just as conceded as the other ones. The only thing that gave out light was two torches that light up a mosaic of the princess. Legolas rolled his eyes. He faintly heard the sounds of voices, but he recognized them as Gimli's and Miranda's. _'Ew! I'll never be able to look her in the eye again… marrying her… what was I thinking?!' _ He scolded himself for that nasty thought. He froze. There was another voice. An annoyingly high pitched one. Before he could think of anything, he dashed behind a huge pillar that held up the ceiling of the dark hallway. He sat for a few moments, and decided he would be more stealthily. He crept quietly for about ten minutes, until he reached the source. It was a dungeon cell, and it held Miranda and Gimli, and outside were two guards and the princess.

" What do you mean your not his wife?" She said, dangerously quiet. Miranda had a disgusted look on her face. 

" Him? Oh please. When he was around 100 years of age, he wanted to be a girl!" She snapped back. _'Doh! Note to self… find out Miranda's past and spread rumors.'_ He thought to himself.

" That, and the fact that he is completely immature." Legolas was fuming silently. '_note to self. Feed Miranda to orcs when you get the chance.'_ Princess Allura snickered, then frowned.

" So he lied it me. What man could resist me? What elf could resist me! Me and my pale features my…" she continued to name off her 'good' qualities. She left, muttering something about 'that elf will pay for his insolence…'. Her guards followed as well, both looking unfazed. Legolas then hopped out of the shadows.

" Must you tell _everyone_ about that?" He asked her angrily. She merely smirked.

" From what it sounds like, you are rather taken by me… hmm?" She said with a sly grin. He slapped his forehead in frustration.

" You were the first female name that came into my head. I couldn't very well say I was wed to Gimli, now could I?" He snapped. Gimli then looked somewhat freaked out. Legolas found a small piece of metal, and stuck it in the lock. Within a half-an-hour, he had unlocked it, and they had set out to find a way out of there.

Aragorn was not happy with the situation. Merry and Pippin had gotten into a fight, and where being quite immature about everything. The last thing he needed was to be lost. Of course he was lost. With Merry and Pippin fighting like that, he was bound to loose concentration. That didn't matter, because they all knew that this trail was not the one that the elven king was on. A sound greeted his ears. Footsteps. One set. Very loud and ungraceful at that. He drew his sword, and for once, the two hobbits took their minds off arguing and followed his lead. Their daggers where un-sheathed. Finally, not one, but three figures emerged from the bushes and trees.

" Legolas? What are you doing here?" He shouted. He was already ticked off by the elf's first choice, and now he was going back on it.

" I am here because I was kidnapped by an odd kingdom of elves." He said, trying to calm the furious ranger down.

" He was my husband in there. Or would you rather be the wife?" She sneered. Legolas looked ready to strangle her, until some sort of battle horn was heard in the distance.

" GO! NOW! We have to get out of this place! I hope Gandalf and them will be alright!" Gimli said, and with that, they broke into a run, soon followed by Aragorn and the hobbits. 

Gandalf was walking in peace. Frodo and Sam were talking quietly, and giving the wizard some peace and quiet. He was snapped out of his thoughts when a battle horn was blown.

" I suggest we leave the woods now. If Legolas and Aragorn have any sense at all, they will leave too. I just hope Legolas has his head back on." Gandalf directed at Frodo and Sam. They all began to charge through the forest. They made it out after about an hours worth of running. All of them were exhausted. Frodo nearly collapsed, and Sam did. Gandalf leaned against a tree for support.

Legolas and the rest had decided to go to the nearest town and meet Gandalf there. He hoped they wouldn't skip the town though. They had nearly gone into town, until they noticed a piece of parchment nailed to a tree. It had a description of a group of two elves and a dwarf on it. It also said that the two elves were not well aquatinted. It said that 'if found, please let the guards of "Allura palace" know, and they will be taken away. Reward is 50 pieces of gold for each member of group found.' Legolas let out a cry of defeat. Miranda sat on the ground. Her lips were pursed. All she wanted to do right now was go home. Her whole body hurt. All she wanted to do was sleep. She probably would have made it into the dreamworld had it not been for Aragorns sudden burst of happiness.

" I have found a way we will be able to rest in the town, and wait for Gandalf undetected. Though I don't think our elves are going to like it…"

"No, and no. For the last time. I won't do it." Legolas stated. He was talking as if the idea was preposterous. Miranda for once, was in agreement with him, and basically said what he said. 

" No, you are insane to think I would do that." She cried out.

" Please! Don't do it for us, but for your king! Legolas, do it for your father." Aragorn said with false sincerity; hoping it would work on the two elves. They both looked at their feet for a while, then reluctantly agreed. They started their walk into town.

" I can't believe I'm doing this." Muttered Legolas. Miranda hissed something in elvish at him. Hand in hand, they walked through town, hoping they looked like a real couple. A few towns' people eyed them carefully, then smiled at the two 'loving' elves. Legolas put on the classic cheesy smile, and hoped it was convincing. The rest of the group, (especially Gimli) was having a hard time suppressing their laughter. They found the nearest inn, and went to the bar tender.

" If an old man with two hobbits walk in, could you tell them Mr. Ba- er, Underhill has arrived?" Aragorn asked politely. The tender eyed them suspiciously.

" don' ya think 'tis a 'tad strange that a group wit' o' number o' two elves an' one dwarf have come into town just as princess Allura has ordered a number o' tha' group to be found?" He asked. Legolas spoke first.

" Yes, but me and her are wed, and in the message, it said they were _not_ well aquatinted." He said. The bar tender looked at them suspiciously again. 

" If I was wanted by that ol' bag, I would probably fake bein' wed to de' dwarf o'er there." He said, pointing at Gimli. " 'Sides, those elves probably did somethin' to upset 'er. Prove ta' me that this ain't no façade." He said, glaring at Legolas and Miranda. They both had the fate of their group on their shoulders. Would they? Or wouldn't they? '_you can't hesitate dumby!'_ that little voice in Legolas' head shouted at him. So without thinking, he grabbed Miranda and before she could say something at all, he kissed her. The bar tender nodded his approval, and sent them upstairs. Both elves had a look of confusion on their face. 

" That was a feeling I'd never think I'd experience." Legolas said dreamily. " It felt like…"Miranda had a look of anticipation on her face."… it felt like my face was just sucked on by an orc. Now, if you'll excuse me, I think I'm going to wash my face and mouth until I bleed." With that, he stormed out to find some place to 'freshen up'. The elf gollum wanted to smack him hard across the face. _'you'll pay for that… king-to-be…_' she thought vengefully.

Legolas: What is WRONG with you women!? And please! Let me go already! I can hardly breathe!

Blood thirsty: hehehe, that was fun… thought I'd go back on my promise of no romance huh? Well, nope, I though that was kinda funny myself.

Legolas: Well, considering you wrote it…

Blood thirsty: Shut up. Anyway, shout outs to my reviewers! I forgot one from last chapter! I'm sorry!

Sarindra " sorry about not including you! Dumby me! Ah well, the review was appreciated! Thanks so much!"

Amy " thanks! You are the best! You've reviewed every chapter in this! Thanks so much! Without that one review at the beginning, I probably would have quit, thanks sooooo much! :D you always seem to find a way to make your reviews so long! Thanks again!

Elf (AKA Namarie) Thanks! And no, he's not for sale. He's MINE! As much as he hates to think so, he's my muse, and I love him to bits! But thanks for the review! I'll lend him to ya!

Gevaudan " Heh, every one wants to buy my muse! Well, I'm sorry, but he's not for sale. Stupid muse, getting your hopes up. Oh well, you can borrow him! Thanks for reviewing! :D

Laureacale " You reviewed this piece of crap at four in the morning? Whoa, thanks! I feel so wanted! YAY! Your great! Are you seriously adding my story to your favorite list???? Whoa! I feel wanted! Yeah! Thank you so much for your reviews, I thought they were nice! That one long review was a major ego-booster! But they all are! Thank you so much! :D

Legolas: what am I? Some sort of inanimate object? "I'll lend him to you?!?" what's with that!?

Blood thirsty: Get a life elfy, anyhoo, these chapters are coming out so soon cause I have lotsa days off! :D please review, but like I said, I dun demand them, so if this story gets so bad that you can barely stomach it anymore, then a) don't review or b) you can flame me. I hope it doesn't come down to that though.


	7. Bars and trouble of the hearts...

Blood thirsty: Amy, sorry about that. I'm surprised that more people didn't comment on that. Aquainted? GEEZ!!! * kicks Microsoft word * O.o;;; omgosh! This is PATHETIC! It doesn't even know what acquainted is! My spell check thinks it's wrong! I am using Microsoft word, and it thinks Microsoft is spelt wrong! It doesn't even know it's own name! * starts beating on anything in sight *

Legolas: Uh… oh my… Aragorn? Is she supposed to be holding a knife?

Aragorn: I hope so… but I don't think that look on her face is very healthy.

Blood thirsty: Ha! Oh, and please STOP TELLING ME TO FEED MY MUSES! I don't have to, they go and help themselves to my fridge! Legolas has a midnight snack all the time! Even at noon! Besides, the one time I cooked for them… they all got food poisoning, and well… they were sick for weeks… heh, anyhoo, I'll try to shorten the paragraph, okay? Good, on with chapter seven!

Legolas: Before you start, could you please put down the knife?

Miranda opened her eyes, trying to figure out why her bed felt so… uncomfortable. She felt around for her pillow, and found it was not her bed. It was the floor. Legolas had kicked her out of their bed. They had to share one, because the bar tender was still suspicious about them, and they had to act like a married couple. She walked towards the window, and realized it could be no more than three in the morning. Legolas' eyes were open, but glazed open. '_Good, he's asleep. Maybe now I can sleep too.'_ She thought to herself. She crawled into bed, careful as to not disturb the sleeping elf.

Legolas tossed and turned in his sleep all night, but amazingly enough, he didn't wake the elf-gollum beside him. He always slept badly while sharing his bed with another. Finally, he found a comfortable position, and finally settled into am deeper sleep.

" Holy-" Aragorns' exclamation was cut off by a sharp "Sh!" From Gimli. Too bad both elves stirred awake. Legolas felt the pillow under his head start to rise and fall erratically. '_Wait… since when do pillows breathe?'_ He thought. He was wracking his sleep-hazed mind to find a solution. Miranda felt content. She didn't want to wake up. Holding her true love closer to her bosom, she sighed. '_What? I don't have a true lo-Ahhhh!'_ Her mind screamed. She jolted awake, knocking the sleeping elf head off her chest. He let out a cry of surprise, blinked, then screamed.

" Why did no one wake us up?" Legolas demanded, turning a bright pink. The others only grinned at him. He then turned to Miranda and yelled at her.

" I thought I kicked you out of bed?!" He shouted.

" Well I was certainly not going to sleep on the floor!" She retorted.

" Well if I am the ' King-to-be', then I need more beauty sleep then you!" He looked her over, then added.

" Wait, it looks to me like you need more beauty sleep." He sneered. Before she could retaliate, the hotel keeper/ bar tender opened the door. Miranda and Legolas put on the cheesy smile, and Miranda jumped into his arms.

" Good morning! Any news of our friends?" Legolas chirped. To both the elves horror Gandalf, Sam, and Frodo walked in behind them, and stared. The bar tender had left, but no one else moved. The elven prince was the first to snap out of the hopes of it all being a nightmare, and shoved Miranda off him. He pushed passed all of them, muttering something like ' Stupid lap-dancer' and stalked down to the bar.

When Pippin and Sam had come down to check on the embarrassed elf, they found him drinking the strongest drink in the bar, but before he got more than two gulps of it, Pippin shoved it away from Legolas.

" Since when do you drink cheap stuff like this? It's no big deal, we explained it to Sam and Frodo, so they understand." Pippin said, sounding all too perky for the situation. All he got in return was a death glare from Legolas, and a shrug from Sam. Pippin sighed. He walked off, and came back several minutes later with the same thing as Legolas. They were about to toast to the life of bachelors, when the door to the inn was pushed open, and in walked Princess Allura. Before anyone knew what happened, Legolas was out of there faster than you could say " Miranda loves you!"

Legolas ran into their inn room, panting. Only the elf gollum was there. She looked at him with the oddest look. He silenced her. Voices from outside caught their attention.

" A group came in earlier, they had a dwarf an' two elves, but the elves claim to be 'wedded'. They're in 'dis room." Said the bar tender. '_Not again' _the voice in his head moaned. Before the door opened, he grabbed her, faced his back to the doors, and locked her lips. He heard the sounds of the door opening, and then closing just as fast.

" Pardon the intrusion! Wrong door!" And with that, the footsteps disappeared; but to his horror, she didn't break away from the kiss. In fact, she moved closer. He tore away from the kiss nearly as fast as he had ran from the bar. A look of confusion was written on his face, as a look of disappointment came across hers. 

'_Crap. Crap. CRAP! She likes you. Why? What did you ever do to deserve that? Are you going to break her heart? Play along, or ignore her? Think fast blonde. This is not a matter for your head. Try talking to your heart.'_

'Don't you dare involve me in this! I was quite content staying out of that matter. Better think of something to say to her. You don't want to stand there looking like a guppy. The last thing you need is to have a heart broken elf on your hands.'

Legolas blinked. She spoke first.

" Listen. I'm sorry, I know when I'm rejected. I just-well, I just thought that…" She trailed off, not meeting his gaze.

'**_Oh no, this is a trap! Don't fall for it Legolas! Trust me! It's better to just tell her that you don't have feelings for her, then she can just cry it all out.'_** The little voice representing Legolas' heart commanded.

'_Yeah, that's right, let her cry. In fact, why don't you just leave her there, and let her and the bar tender elope! You cannot, and WILL not leave her like this. Do you have any sense of guilt? Do you want to see her cry? Just comfort her! All she needs is a shoulder to cry on!'_ The little voice representing Legolas' concience.

'**_Yup. That's right, just lead her on, and then break her little heart, and leave her for the vultures! I'm telling you, walk away. It's the smartest thing to do.'_**

' _Smartest, maybe. But is it right to leave an elf of your own kin to suffer, especially when it's because of you?!'_

****

' Leave her!'

'Comfort her!'

****

'Leave!'

' Comfort!'

Legolas' head felt like it was going to explode. He finally had enough of these voices in his head, telling him to do something or another, and he snapped.

" SHUT UP!" He cried out. He instantly regretted it. She burst into tears.

'_Smooth move elf-boy.'_ His concience snapped.

**__**

' We know who got the brains of the family, huh?' His logic/heart crooned sarcastically. Before Legolas could react, she tried to push past him. He grabbed her by the waist, and forced her to look at him. He certainly did not feel any sort of love towards her, but felt some sort of pity.

" I didn't mean you. It's uh, nothing. I was just talking to myself." He said; realizing how corny that sounded. She burst into another bought of bawling, this time, on his shoulder. He felt very awkward. He held her for a few minutes. She looked up at him, her eyes red and puffy, and asked

" Do I really kiss like an Orc?" She asked. He was baffled by the question. He knew what he should of said, but shock rendered him silent for a moment too long, and again came the water works. This time shoving him into the wall, and racing down the stairs to the bar. 

"… then, he said I kissed like an orc!" she sobbed to the shocked by-stander who was stupid enough to ask what was wrong. Legolas blinked. '_But you didn't say that! See what you've done to her?'_ He uttered a growl, and grabbed her wrists.

" I did _not_ say that, and you know it." He snapped. Her only answer was another round of tears. Gimli and the four hobbits burst into the bar. They hardly noticed anything. The only thing said was by Gimli.

" Allura!" And with that, they hobbits, dwarf, and elves were gone. They had ran up to the inn room, grabbed their belongings, and escaped out the window.

" Legolas, is there something wrong? You seem even quieter lately. What is going on?" Gimli questioned. They were camping out, the fire had just been put out an hour ago, and Legolas refused to go to bed. The elven prince ran a slender hand through his hair, and sighed.

" Miranda has feelings for me." Legolas whispered, just in case some one else was awake as well.

" Oh please. Her? The only feelings I've seen are contempt and a lack of patience." He said.

"Yes, that is all anyone has seen. But what about the times you don't" He muttered. Gimli cocked an eyebrow. Legolas continued.

" It's like I have an on-going battle in my head, fought by my concience and my heart."

'_Damn straight!'_

****

'You better believe it!' Legolas had the sudden urge to cry out 'shut up!' again, but thought better of it; besides, it never really worked. He received a look of pity from Gimli.

" I think, you should tell her. But do not linger on my words, do what you believe." Gimli said, trying to be helpful. He sighed again, a ragged, sort of weary sigh. The poor elf had no clue what to think. He could no longer keep up the attitude towards her, now could he? Then, a thought snapped into his head.

'_Aha! I have a solution! Make her WANT to hate you! Act like a total jerk! Be the complete opposite of what she loves!'_ His concience cried, overjoyed by the new solution to the love stricken elf-gollum.

'**_ You know what? I think we're onto something!'_** Those two voices in his head continued to try and persuade Legolas to act like an insensitive jerk, while he was trying to listen to Gimli's speech.

" … that answer was completely out of the question, wouldn't you say?" Gimli asked. Legolas, who was not paying attention to anything anymore; not even those voices in his head, said 

" Of course not." Gimli then looked at him with a look of pure disgust. 

" Wha…? Could you repeat the question?!" Legolas begged. Gimli just glared at him, and stalked off to bed.

'** _Good job! Why not just tell the rest of the fellowship that they all need you, and you may as well be their god!' _**

'Or better yet, why not just grow even bigger ears, develop a new voice and a tale, and call your self "LegoASS!' his inner-voices snapped at him. It was then that he realized that he was getting into an argument with 'inner voices'. 

" I must be insane." He muttered to himself before nodding off into the dream world.

Blood thirsty: I hope those paragraphs weren't too long. Dangit, I blame it on you muses. You guys are lazy!

Aragorn: Lazy?! Us? We are your muses, and do what you tell us to!

Blood thirsty: Really? Okay then, when did I tell you to raid my fridge? Hmm?

Aragorn: Oh shut up! I don't want to be here anymore! Stupid, STUPID ELF! It's all your fault! *** **runs out of the room * 

Legolas: What did you do that for? You're cruel! Very cruel!

Blood thirsty: What?! I don't have to feed you! Last time I did, you kept throwing up and calling for your mommy you were so delirious! 

Legolas: MY MOMMY'S DEAD! * runs off to join Aragorn *

Blood thirsty: O.O! Come back! I NEED MY MUSES! There goes my allowance, it's gonna be on a shrink. 

Gollum: Sssmeagol still here…

Blood thirsty: Oh shut up. Now, for the shout outs to my reviewers!

Amy " thanks! I'm glad for the tips! I really hope the paragraphs weren't that long in this one… and I will make sure that my dumbass spell checker knows acquainted, (I KNEW it was that!) and it's own name, can you believe that?! It doesn't even know what microsoft is! * kicks it *

Memesasuka " don't worry! I'll keep this story a'comin!"

#1legolasobsesser " Thanks! I'm glad you think it's funny enough to fall on the ground! I hope this story brings some entertainment into that 'little boring house' of yours, hehe"

D45 " Hey! I'm glad to see more people are liking this story! I really had no idea it would do this well! Thanks! And my muses feed themselves… though I think they're gonna need a shrink now… -"

Blood thirsty: Thus ends my authors notes… now to go find my muses… yeash, the things I put up with around here… If I spelt concience wrong, please don't kill me! I don't trust my spell check as much as I used to… I think it might be conscience, so if it is, please tell me! That, and it doesn't know microsoft, but it knows Microsoft. I'd say it's kinda arrogant, don't ya think?

__


	8. Anger, elven cat fights, and BIG misunde...

Blood thirsty: I need a hobby… ah well, at least I'm getting reviews. This is chapter… eight?! Whoa! I can't believe I'm already on chapter eight! DUDE!

Aragorn: I think you might want to get some sort of shrink for Legolas… He's not doing so well…

Legolas: * crying in a corner *

Blood thirsty: Nah, I have a better AND cheaper solution! * gives Legolas a needle of some sort *

Aragorn:O.O! 

Blood thirsty: don't look at me like that! It's not drugs! It's just my little friend ' morphine' heh.

Aragorn: He's not supposed to look that happy and relaxed is he?

Blood thirsty: Ahem… on with chapter eight! Please enjoy!

Aragorn: You still haven't answered my question…

Legolas and Miranda had been extremely quiet towards eachother. Not the ' glare daggers and pretend no one else notices', but the kind that makes everyone around you depressed.

"What is going on?" Demanded Frodo. They had made it through some sort of dense forest, and were now about half way through a more dead looking place. The trees had barely any leaves, and yet still seemed to block out the light. Frodo had been the ring-bearer, knew that kind of atmosphere all too well. It was him who had been quiet and withdrawn now realized how it was different from thinking you were doing right in silence, when all you were doing was hurting yourself.

" What is going on between you two?" Frodo asked again. Miranda looked away, and Legolas found his foot-wear to be much more interesting to look at than to look at Frodo.

" We cannot stop for petty subjects. We must move on." Legolas stated, still not meeting the hobbits' gaze. Frodo stood still.

" We are not leaving with an atmosphere like this. There is something wrong, and we will try and help." The halfling said stubbornly. Legolas was furious at that comment.

" Oh great ring-bearer," He hissed, venom dripping from his voice " the one who left us behind to save _your_ friends, the one who thought we would merely slow him down. The one who _knew_ we were too dumb and insignificant to help you with your problems. What do you think you could possibly do?" Legolas spat. Anger, confusion, bitterness, and a lack of sleep corrupted his thoughts; plus the on-going battle between his head and his heart made him a train-wreck waiting to happen.

" I-I can't believe you just said that!" Stammered Frodo. Legolas then realized what he had said, and lowered his head.

" Frodo, I-I'm sorry, I didn't mean that." Legolas said.

_' That sounded as convincing as an ox ballet dancing.'_

**' No kidding, get a life and SHUTUP! All your doing is pissing people off!'** Legolas could no longer take anymore of this bickering in his head.

" Would both of you please shut up?! I am trying not to be so uptight, but with the constant bickering I cannot help but be stressed!" Legolas shouted. Everyone stared at him. Aragorn put the palm of his hand across Legolas' forehead.

" He doesn't have a fever…" He muttered, staring at the elf with concern.

" Of course I don't!" Legolas shouted. Aragorn didn't flinch at the shouting.

" Who's talking to you Legolas? Tell us so we can help." Gandalf intruded, hoping to reach Legolas. 

" Wonderful, I hope your happy now!" He shouted to the voices that the rest of the fellowship could not hear. " I hope your very proud of yourselves, your making me look completely insane!"

'_You brought it on yourself.'_ His conscience muttered. Frodo was looking at him with pity. Legolas sighed in defeat.

" Lets just go, okay? Please, we are wasting time. There is absolutely no point staying here.

" No, Legolas, you are extremely stressed, and we shall wait until you get… well." Aragorn said, trying not to offend him. Legolas knew he wouldn't be able to get them going, so he sat down on the spot, and cupped his hands over his face. After a while, he leaned back against a tree, and for once in a long while, nodded off to sleep. 

He awoke to the sound of footsteps. They were quiet, barely able to hear. Miranda had her head tilted upwards, as if straining to hear something. Before anyone could react, a battlecry arose from the forest, and around ten guards emerged. All of them were elven, though Legolas would recognize that type anywhere, and as if on cue, Princess Allura emerged. Legolas nearly burst into tears.

_' Your on your own now! Have fun!'_

'**Yeah, enjoy! Tell her I say hi!'** Legolas wanted to jump out of a window, but considering they were in a forest, that was out of the question.

" Elf, I am giving you one more chance to return to my kingdom, and help me rule, side by side!" She said ecstatically. He shuddered. Miranda was looking quite angry._'If I can't have him, he certainly isn't going with her!'_ She thought furiously.

" Well he's not going with you, because he is sent on a mission." Miranda stated non-chalontly. 

" If you think he could go for an elf like you, your sadly mistaken. He wants someone worth his own beauty! Not some ugly pond scum like you." Allura snapped back. Legolas stepped in.

" I'll have you know that if I _had _to choose, I'd pick her over you!" Legolas shouted.

_' **That'll come back and bite you in the ass, I guarantee it.'**_ Legolas did something right, and chose to ignore that little voice. He stepped forward, ready to wipe that grin off Princess Allura's face. Her smirk only widened. 

" Are you really going to smack me? I thought it was wrong for a man to hit a girl." She said triumphantly. Legolas glared back at her through clenched teeth.

_'She's right you know…'_

' So? Deck her anyway!' Legolas wanted the voices to stop, and to his relief, Miranda came up behind him, put a hand on his chest to signal him to back up, wound up, and smacked the 'Princess' hard enough to make her fall. All eyes fell on the seething elf. Allura got up, and smacked Miranda. In a matter of seconds, there was hair flying everywhere. The two were biting, kicking, screaming, and scratching at every opportunity. 

_' Whoa… turn away now. This is not good to watch.'_ His conscience said bluntly. True, Legolas was around 2778 years old, but in elf years, he was still young enough to have hormones.

**_' I'd have to agree with that, you don't want to be staring at two elven-maidens that you don't even like.'_** Legolas tried to heed the advice, but found he could not turn away from the fighting elves. He was not the only one with that problem. Some of the guards were staring too. Legolas could have sworn he heard a cat hissing in the forest somewhere. After about ten minutes, Miranda stood up. Her clothes were somewhat torn, but still wear-able, and she was covered in mud, but she came out victorious. Allura called to her guards to help her up, and without another word, she stalked away; though shooting a very nasty glance towards Miranda.

" Could you hand me a cloak?" She asked. Her clothes weren't torn up badly, but it did make her look as though she had been trampled on by a wild boar; and that wasn't far from the truth.

They had walked for about three hours, and they were all exhausted. They were just setting up their beds when Miranda silently came up towards Legolas, and tapped him on the shoulder.

" Did you really mean what you said about marrying me?" She asked, a glimmer of hope shimmering in her eyes. Legolas scratched the back of his head, and shifted nervously.

'**_Told you._**' Legolas could have screamed. She looked at him again. He cleared his throat, and spoke somewhat softly.

" I'm going to be brutally honest with you. Given the choice, I probably would pick neither." Miranda's eyes brimmed with tears. She had lost all self control.

" You love that elf Arwen, don't you! That's why you wanted to go to Rivendell so badly! You disgusting piece of-" Her sentence was cut off by a menacing glare from Aragorn, directed at Legolas.

" What?" Aragorn demanded. 

" That's right! Your best friend is in love with your little elf wench!" She yelled, tears streaming down her face. Legolas was now in denial.

_' She didn't say that, she didn't say that, she didn't say t-'_

**' Of course she said that, but you deserved it. Since when are you supposed be honest with a girl! You tell her what she wants to hear! Not what she thinks she's going to hear! That was so stu-'** His train of thought was cut off by Aragorn sternly shaking Legolas by the shoulders.

" Is it true?" The ranger asked. Miranda answered before Legolas could.

" Of course it is! Why do you think he snuck off to go into the forest after dinner, mere moments after Arwen did?" She demanded. Legolas had to say something, and fast. So he decided to go with the truth again.

" I was going to meet Gimli!" As soon as he said those words, he wished he hadn't. Everything stopped. Gimli was staring at him oddly, Aragorn released his grip on Legolas' shoulders, and looked at him a glint of pity, and nodded towards the dwarf. Now Gimli, he was not happy. Legolas was just praying he would either wake up, or go to sleep. Legolas met eye contact with Gimli, and the dwarf turned away.

" I had no id-" The dwarf was cut off by a cry from Miranda.

" I have been rejected for a _dwarf! EW!" _She shrieked. Aragorn looked like he was about to apologize, but Legolas screamed.

" I do NOT have feelings like that towards anyone! Especially Gimli!" He yelled, but the looks on the fellowships' faces told him it didn't work. Even Gandalf had a look of some sort of pity on his face. The elf just stood there. He had never felt so helpless in his life. He wanted a look from someone to tell him that they believed him, but none came. His eyes rested on Miranda. She looked away, and muttered something in elvish. His helplessness soon turned to anger, and his fists clenched. 

_' Don't do it! Please! For once, LISTEN TO US!' _

**' Be smart! Don't do anything you might regret!'** The voices pleaded with him, but he w3as past negotiation. 

" You…" Before he even finished, he lunged at her, his face twisted in rage. His fingers twisted around her throat, and he squeezed. Hard. This was quite the stress reliever, until he felt a pair of arms around him, being pulled off. He finally gained enough control to be released. He dusted himelf off, and without another word, he stalked into the forest. Gimli looked at Merry and Pippin, who just shrugged. The dwarf then looked towards Aragorn for some re-assurance. 

" I don't know what to think either." Mumbled the very confused Aragorn. After a long moment of thought, the rest of the fellowship went to bed, hoping that they wouldn't find Miranda murdered in the morning.

Legolas: Wait! Stop the train! What is going on?! They think I'm GAY?!

Blood thirsty: Do you have something against gays? 

Legolas: No, but… but with Gimli? * shudders *

Blood thirsty: ah well , I really hope I didn't offend anyone, honestly, I have nothing against gays, in fact, I know a few, and they're really cool! But, I just can't see Legolas falling for Gimli. Call me tunnel-visioned if you must. And no, I'm not trying to switch your opinions of Miranda back and fourth, I just think it's the way she would act, that's all. Now then. SHOUT OUTS!!!! :D:D:D!!!

Memesasuka "hhehe, yeah, I do have a little time on my hands… well, not so much anymore. This is gonna be my last chapter up in the next three or four days, cause I got band camp to go to. But thanks for reviewing!"

Sam " Glad you liked the Lego-ass thing, I thought it was kinda lame myself. But as long as my reviewers are happy, then so am I!"

#1legolasobsesser " Hey! I'm continuing! Fast fast fast! But thanks for the enthusiasm! Much appreciated!"

Laureacale " That's ok, honestly, I thought I'd lost you with that 'Lego-ass' thing… I could think of anything else. But I'm glad I still have you as a reviewer! :D That's ok, I wasn't trying to make anyone sorry for Miranda, and as you can see, she's still the immature brat she always was. And thanks! It's good to see that you still like my story! Thanks for letting me know about the conscience thing! :D"

Amy " Ah, Amy. My loyal reviewer! Thanks sooo much, but I didn't take the suggestion the wrong way, it's nice to know, and even if I did, I don't think I'd tell probably one of my most loyal reviewers to 'screw off'. I hope this helped your " ifeelsorryformiranda" syndrome. Heh, I don't want you to hate her, and I dun want you to like her… I could care less, I just wanted her to be in character!"

That's is for chapter eight… I cannot believe I am already here! Thank you soooooo much! I'm glad people are actaully enjoying this! Yay!

Blood thirsty: Yay! I'm done chapter eight, and don't worry, this won't go on forever, I soon plan to make them find the trail of the or-

Aragorn: don't give away the story! 

Blood thirsty: Hehe, oops. Sorry about that… well, it looks like Legolas is back to his usual self.

Legolas: Why wouldn't I be?

Blood thirsty: No reason… hehehe…

Legolas: Blood thirsty…? 


	9. Stubborn-ness and redemption

Blood thirsty: Sorry about the long wait, I was at BAND CAMP! Yeah! That was so fun!

Legolas: Yeah, and I got a break from being a muse!

Aragorn: I finally got to catch up with Arwen!

Blood thirsty: Yeah, but now, I have a five day weekend, then the teachers go on strike (until further notice).

Legolas: Crap.

Aragorn: There goes our freedom.

Legolas: Wait a minute… you _went_ to band camp, right?

Blood thirsty: Yeah, why? 

Legolas: * snickers * What instrument do you play? I hope it's not a flute…

Blood thirsty: No, I play the tenor sax-HEY! Since when did you have such a dirty mind?!

Legolas: Since I was your muse, now get on with the story.

" Miranda, please! I was just being honest! We have to work together if we are to get my father back in one piece." Legolas pleaded. Miranda just turned to Merry.

" Do you hear something? It sounds like some sort of dung beetle." She asked politely. Legolas groaned, and poor Merry was caught between agreeing or just ignoring her, and he knew neither one was smart. Aragorn was getting very fed up with the constant tension between the two elves, so he decided to take drastic measures. He knew he was going to regret this, but something told him he had to. Just as Miranda was stepping forward, he stuck his foot out, and she fell face first into the dirt. Legolas reached for her arm to pull her up, but she grabbed his arm, pulled him down, and shoved his face in the dirt. Normally he would have been able to withstand that, but he was reaching down, thus loosing his balance.

" You told Aragorn to do that, didn't you?" She hissed. Legolas got up, and wiped the dirt away from his face, only to have more thrown into it. She bolted into a run. Legolas blindly reached for someone to help his with his balance, and unfortunately, grabbed Gimli's arm. Gimli helped him up, but he quickly pulled away from the elf's grasp; too quick, because Legolas took offence to it.

" Get over it! I do _not_ like you in that way! I thought we were friends, and yet you still feel nervous around me." The elf snapped, he threw his bow on the ground in frustration, along with his quiver.

Gimli looked absolutely helpless. He didn't mean to offend him, but still, the way he said he and Legolas were meeting creeped him out. Legolas had stormed out of the sight of the group, and Aragorn was kicking himself for doing that.

" Why did you trip her?" Gandalf asked. Aragorn sighed and ran his hand through his dark hair.

" At first it went the way I wanted. Legolas was to help her up, then it just went amiss." Aragorn said quietly. They had to find the elves, but now all they had to rely on was Aragorn and Gandalf. 

Legolas was cooling down, but was getting more frustrated at his conscience again.

_' Of come on, why did you react like that? He did nothing wrong! If you thought he was falling for you, what would you do?'_

**'Stop lying to him! You and I both know that you reacted the way you should have! He should know better than to think that you were falling for him!'** His heart shot back. The poor elf wanted to bash his head against a tree. He heard a small sobbing, and realized he was getting closer to where Miranda was. He lightened his steps even more, as to try and sneak up on her. He succeeded. She was slouched against a tree, her head in her hands.

" I didn't mean it, I just meant that I don't _want _to marry." He said softly. She snapped her head up, and her deep, murky eyes met his sharp blue ones. She stood up slowly, and slapped him. He rolled with it, and didn't face her for a few moments.

" What do I have to do to get your forgiveness?" He asked, his eyes were now boring into hers. She stepped forward, and put her face close to his. He really didn't like being this close to her, but he decided to humor her this time.

"The only thing I want is what you will not give me." And with that, she turned away, and began to walk until a noise caught her attention. The same thought ran through both of their heads.

" Orcs." They murmured in unison. Legolas reached for his bow. 

'_Where is your bow? It's not on your back! It should be on your back, but it's not!'_ His mind reeled with answers, but the one that was right was too crazy to think about. 

~-~-~-~-~-

__

" Get over it! I do not like you in that way! I thought we were friends, and yet you still feel nervous around me." The elf snapped, he threw his bow on the ground in frustration, along with his quiver.

~-~-~-~-~-

" My bow and quiver are not here. We will have to fight with our blades." Legolas said, drawing his silver knife. She looked completely distraught.

" You came running into the forest _without_ your best weapon?! What kind of warrior are you?!" She shrieked. Before he could answer, out came about three dozen orcs from the cover of the forest. He should have noticed the foul stench, and he did, but he had been too emotional to react to it. All that was on his mind was anger, and redemption. He wanted to beat himself down for not noticing it, but he had no time. Miranda was not a warrior, she was a maiden, and she didn't stand a chance. He began to slash at any orcs that came into his range, but was soon overwhelmed by the numbers of orcs. Miranda was trying to fend some off, but was failing miserably. Legolas let out a shrill whistle, hoping it reached Aragorn. 

" Behind you!" He yelled, but she reacted too slowly, she was soon taken down. Legolas mind now wanted to save her instead. 

'_ Redemption is what you need! Do it! Please! For the sake of your conscience!'_ For once, Legolas listened to it, and was soon prying the orc off Miranda. He yanked her off the ground, and tried to dodge out of the way from an orc blade; but unfortunately with the weight of the other elf, he was not fast enough.

The blade felt like it was on fire, burning through his skin. Though he kept himself between Miranda. He refused to let them win. With a last resort, he pushed Miranda onto the ground, and tackled the orc with all his weight. He heard the sound of metal against bone, and felt the orc go limp under his weight. He tried to get up, but found his limbs heavier then they should have been. He rolled over onto his side, and put a hand against his wound. He was bleeding badly. 

His thoughts were becoming hazy. He saw the orcs standing over him. Panic was overwhelming him, though he felt so weak. He was dimly aware of the sound of metal clashing against metal, and the familiar voices and battle cries. The last thing he saw was the face of an orc grabbing him by his sides and swinging him over his shoulder. From the sudden rush of blood to his head, he felt everything go black, then nothing.

Legolas: What was that? I should feel sorry for her! She's annoying, and ugly, and horrible! And why was I captured by orcs!?

Blood thirsty: Calm down Legolas, geez! It's not the end of the world you know. She's not that ugly, and well… like father like son… hehehe.

Aragorn: Teachers are going on strike? That means… crap, you get to stay at home all day! 

Blood thirsty: Yup, but lets not carry on about that, =D lets get to the shout outs! :D

Amy " ahh Amy Amy Amy, you are so loyal, every single chapter you've reviewed! Thank you so much! :D:D:D:D:D You've made my day! *grins * But anyways, thanks! I'm glad this is keeping you entertained! Sorry about the wait.

Bill the pony " Heh, glad you liked it! A half an hour of reading this? Is it this good? Cool! Yeah, I know, Miranda's kinda… iffy… But that's for reviewing!

D45 " Blah, that's ok, Ffnet is VERY twitchy. But thanks for reviewing this chapter! It meant a lot to me! Yay! Go you! Hehehe, just one question. About your review… 'Good point with the 'Leggy is assumed gay' thing. I wondered if you would do this?' you didn't specify what you wanted me to do, and if ya wanted me to make him gay… uh, well, I might do it for you in another story… maybe, I dunno If I can write that though. But tell me later, you can email me, or tell me in a review, whichever suites your fancy.

KaraXIII " Thanks for reviewing, and no, I haven't gotten to reading your stories… sorry. -.-; but I promise! I will read and review them! Okie? 

#1legolasobsesser & memesasuka " Well, here is your shout outs! I'm glad you two are enjoying this! Hope it wasn't too violent for ya… this chapter wasn't very funny… but next one will be! I promise! Hehehe.

Blood thirsty: Ha! #1legolasobsesser called me dawg!

Legolas: I think it should have been bit-

Aragorn: That's not very smart…


	10. Orc poison and torture chambers

Blood thirsty: I suck at spelling. I really do.

Muses: We know.

Aragorn: And you smell like fish.

Legolas: O.O! EW!

Blood thirsty: Legolas! You nasty muse! It's gollum, not me!

Legolas: Oh… hehehe. My bad.

Blood thirsty: * sighs * where did he get such a dirty mind? 

Legolas: From hanging out with you! I told you that!

Aragorn: Uh, I thought you said gollum was back? Well where is he?

Blood thirsty: * shrugs * I dunno… Ah well, on with chapter ten.

Miranda was a wreck. She had not stopped sobbing over loosing Legolas to the orcs. All she would do was cry on Aragorns shoulder, making him very uncomfortable. 

"… and if I w-was a b-better warrior, he-he'd still b-b-be here!" She wept. Aragorn patted her head awkwardly, and looked to someone for help. It was Gandalf that came to the rescue.

" We will get him back." Gandalf murmured into her ear. She squealed and bawled even more.

" No we won't! Legolas _was _the ransom! The orcs' heirs from Helms Deeps are the ones that captured King Thranduil!" She sobbed. Gandalf shook his head. 

" We _will_ get him back, mark my word." Aragorn said. Usually when he used that tone, it worked; though it only made her cry more.

" We won't get him back! He'll be turned into an orc, and we'll lose him forever!" She bawled. Aragorn was fed up with her. He stepped forward, and she did not. She fell face first into the mud. 

" If we do want to catch up with them, we must leave _now._" Aragorn said bluntly. Miranda pulled herself out of the mud, and finally got to moving.

" You know, the horses would be really handy right now…" Miranda said, completely out of the blue. " I heard that dwarves really hate riding horses…" She added. Gimli glared at her accusation.

" I would do nothing of the sort! It was not _my_ fault a certain elf-maiden cannot tie a proper knot." Gimli shot back. The bickering went on for a little while longer, until they were silenced from Aragorns' classic 'death glare'. The rest of the day went on and off with the constant bickering.

Legolas moaned. His head hurt so much. As did his side. He was in a cave; the musty scent told him that much. Though right now he was thankful for the lack of light. His head was, anyway. He twisted and turned, but the cold cave floor was not comfortable.

" Legolas! Your awake at last. I was worried." Came the familiar voice that Legolas wanted to hear so badly.

" Father! I was so worried about you!" Legolas exclaimed. King Thranduil's face softened into pity.

" It is you we should worry about. They're after your blood, not mine." The elder elf spoke softly. Legolas lowered his head in thought. Before long, an orc came up, and yanked Legolas' head up by his hair. The elf let out a small cry of surprise. King Thrandruil reached over to help him, but stopped immediately when the orc increased the pressure. Legolas had no choice but to follow where the orc lead him to. His father was soon out of sight, and Legolas felt helpless. His head felt so sore, and he felt very ill.

_' Orc poison… it's not that bad… I mean, look at all the colors, and the way we're spinning!'_

**_' Oh wonderful, I have to deal with a wounded elf, and a delirious conscience. Oy vey.' _**Legolas just wanted to sleep, but he _was _delirious, or was he? His mind kept wandering off somewhere, wanting to blame some creature for this whole mess and his headache, so he let sleep overtake him.

He was jarred from his slumber by a swift smack in the face. From what Legolas could tell, he wasn't delirious anymore, though he felt extremely sick. His stomach was tossing around, making him want to vomit. And with the stench of orcs, he wondered what was stopping him. One of them turned to him, and in common tongue spoke.

" You're Legolas Greenleaf, are you not?" The orc asked. Legolas looked him over, and decided he really wasn't all that intelligent.

" Uh, no. Of course not. What ever gave you that idea?" Legolas asked, trying to inconspicuous. While in his head, he was trying to find a name.

_" How do you say Legolas backwards?! Uh… Lasoleg… No, Legosal… damnit! Salogel. Salogel! Yeah! I am so smart! S-M-R-T! Uh, I mean S-M-A-R-T!'_

**' Stupid. Had to think about that last one, didn't you?'**

'Shut up! I'm the one who figured out how to say our name backwards! So how about cutting me some sl-'

" Speak your name." The orc demanded. Legolas fidgeted a little, but spoke quickly.

" Salogel." Legolas said, hoping the orc would buy it. The orc nodded, but the one behind him grunted. 

" Is it just a coincidence that Salogel is Legolas spelled backwards?" The orc asked, grinning maliciously.

_' Hehe, your on your own now elfy, buh byes! Have a nice… uh… torturing session.'_

' Yeah, toodles! Send us a post card, okay?' Legolas knew he had to be delirious again. The orc stepped forward, and pulled Legolas up by his neck. Legolas began to gasp from the lack of air.

" It is not smart to play mind games with orcs. We are not as dumb as we appear." He hissed. Legolas was feeling quite sick now, and really didn't want to get the orc already angrier than he was. His stomach reeled. Legolas was now at the verge of vomiting. The orc threw Legolas on the ground just in time. Legolas began to wretch and heave. He hadn't eaten anything in the last little while, so all he could do was dry heave. The orcs laughed and jeered at Legolas.

_' Play dead doggy! Woof woof!'_ his mind was now making no sense, but it could work. Legolas collapsed, and stayed still. The orcs stopped jesting and sneering. The general came up, and lightly tapped him on the shoulder. Legolas gave no response. 

" Gurkrek is going to kill us…" he muttered. He spoke something in Mordor, and the others left. Legolas was trying his hardest to appear dead, though his stomach still wanted to heave. The elf kept his eyes half lidded, and as soon as the orc had his back turned, he bolted.

Legolas' legs were still not very responsive, though he still tried with all his might. He was becoming very dizzy, and was really starting to worry. He had ran back to where his father was, and began untying him.

" Legolas? How did you manage to escape?" His father asked. Legolas' mind was not anywhere near that vicinity. His entire head felt like a bon fire, and his legs were about as stable as a hobbit in a bar.

" Legolas?" His father asked again. Legolas didn't even realize he was being talked to. He probably would have been out by now, had his mind been in good health. The fever was taking over, and Legolas was just making the knots around his fathers hands even harder to untie. 

After about five minutes of fiddling with the knot, he had it undone. They both broke into a sprint, though Legolas was stumbling a lot. Even before they reached the end of the tunnel they were in, four very mean looking orcs headed them off. They yanked Thranduil away from Legolas, and grabbed the younger elf by his hair, and threw him to the ground. The entire world around Legolas was spinning. He faintly recognized his fathers pleas for Legolas' safety, though he did feel a sharp pain in his head; it wasn't the usual dull throb that he was used to.

Legolas was becoming a little more aware that he was no longer in the same area as his father. He was being dragged somewhere. Another sharp pain in his head told him they were dragging him by his feet, letting his head drag on the ground. After about another five minutes of small rocks snaring his hair, hr was taken into some sort of room. It smelt like rotten flesh and mould. It was moist and putrid. His mind didn't want to register the surroundings. There were many metal devices. Big and small, most were rusty and stained with blood. He probably would have been terrified, if he was more awake. He was in an orc torture chamber.

" Please! No more walking! We must rest, I beg of you!" Miranda wailed. She had insisted on moving before. She had complained about hobbits always wanting rests, when really, they had never even talked about the topic. Now she was nearly crawling.

" Legolas would never stop had it been you that was kidnapped." Gimli said non-chalontly. Miranda tried to shoot him a dirty look, but with her face sweaty, red, and dirty, it wasn't very effective. She gave up, and started to pout.

" I want a bath, and a nice glass of cool wine, and-" She was cut off by Aragorn pouring a skin of water on her, followed by Sam dumping some beer on her.

" There is your bath." Aragorn snapped.

" And that's the closest you'll get to wine on this kind of adventure." Sam glared. Miranda just looked too shocked to care. Her mouth was wide open, and her eyes were like saucers. Before anyone knew what was happening, she began to bawl again. They all probably would have ignored her, but they didn't want to be found my even more orcs.

" Please be silent!" Gandalf said, trying to make his voice heard above her sobs. Still she cried and wept. Aragorn could think of no other solution. He walked up behind her and put his hands on her shoulders. She immediately stopped crying.

" What are you d-" she was cut off by Aragorn pushing his fingertips into the tender part of her neck. She went ridged and then collapsed. 

" An old trick I learned from Legolas. Pressure points work every time." Aragorn smirked.

Blood thirsty: Oy, please, tell me if you want me to continue, and tell me honestly. I want no pity, or just plain nice-ness. I want to know if you think I'm good enough as an author to continue.

Legolas: If you want my opinion I think you-

Blood thirsty: don't answer that. You're not a reviewer. You are a muse. Get used to it. So now, I REALLY want your honest, -possibly blunt- opinion. 

Legolas: I have no say in this. But if I was you, I'd probably tell her to get a life… but if course I'm her muse…

Blood thirsty: Yes. Now for shout outs!

Memesasuka & #1legolasobsesser " Heh, thanks for the review! My muses love me! They really do! And I love them too, but you know what they say, " you hurt the ones you love " and I think if Legolas was real, and met me, I think I would scare the hell outa him. Hehehe And I'm glad it would go into the Fanfiction hall of fame!

Amy " Well, technically, my teachers aren't on strike yet. But they will by, but right now, it's teachers convention. And yeah, I'm not the kind of person to make a character perfect and fall in love with him, and he loves her back. So I kinda wanted you to either hate her, pity her, or possibly even both.

Fried coffeeholic " Glad you liked it! At lease it made you laugh.


	11. Legolas cries Ents?

Blood thirsty: I'm a good writer… I'm a good writer… I'm a good writer…

Legolas: Uh… what are you doing?

Blood thirsty: What does it look like!? I'm chanting, so shoo!

Aragorn: Whoa, somebody got up on the wrong side of the bed.

Legolas: Yeah, or maybe someone pissed in her corn flakes. * snickers *

Blood thirsty: I'll have you know that nobody pissed in my corn flakes! It would have had to be 'pissed in my crispers' for it to be true!

Gollum: Me backsss… got preciousss…

Blood thirsty: Hey, that's _my _ring, you little puke! * chases after gollum *

Legolas: When do you think she'll be back?

Aragorn: Hopefully in time for authors notes…

Legolas: * shrugs * 

Gimli could no longer take the heavy load he was carrying. 

" She must eat like a cow, and have a hollow leg to keep the fat in." Gimli said, releasing the elf from his back, and letting her hit the ground. She stirred, but other than that, she appeared to be unconscious.

" Fine. You have carried her for a long while. I shall take that duty now" Aragorn muttered, obviously not too happy with his new chore. He knelt down to pick her up, and her hands grabbed at his throat.

" You! You are going to pay for that! I'll show you pressure points!" Miranda screamed. Aragorn was caught off guard, and found it difficult to break free of her grasp. The four hobbits began to pry her fingers off Aragorn's throat. After a long battle of hands, the ranger broke free of her grasp and had to be restrained from strangling her by Gandalf. After the ranger had calmed down, he shrugged off the Istar

" We will travel now. But if she starts bawling again, I'm tying her to a tree and leaving her for the Orcs." He muttered menacingly.Usually when he said something like that, you'd know that he wasn't serious, but with the tone of voice he used, even the hobbits were unsure of what to think. They began to walk, and kept the pace quick in fear of getting on the ranger's nerves. He was not in the mood to wait.

" What shall we do with him?" A harsh voice asked gleefully. Legolas was just beginning to wake up, and found himself chained by his wrists to a wall. His eyes were closed when he was unconscious, but they had put a blindfold on him. His head was hurting immensely, though he could now think clearly. He was hanging from a wall by his wrists, listening to orcs talk about what they would do to him.

" Let us brand him. That should prove enough sport for now." A different orc squealed. He was answered by cries of glee and malice. Legolas really didn't like the sound of that. An orc tore off the piece of cloth that covered the elf's eyes. Legolas looked around, trying to take in every little detail. A pile of red coals caught his eye. A metal rod was sticking out of the small inferno. Panic rose in the elf as they lifted the rod out of the coals, revealing a red hot symbol at the end. It was some sort of orc letter.

" Where shall we mark him?" One of the Orcs asked excitedly, the Orc Legolas observed to be their Leader spoke. 

" Right on his heart." He said, malice mixing in with joy. Legolas became very nervous. The Orcs stepped forward, one tearing the material above his heart, revealing pale flesh. The Orc that held Legolas' torture device was about a step away, and lifted the metal. He had nearly pressed it against the pale skin, when Legolas gave a cry.

" WAIT!" He shouted. To his utter amazement, the Orc stopped.

" Give us one good reason why we shouldn't do this?" The Orc demanded

" Well… I uh… because! Because if you do, then I shall call upon the power of the Ents! They will come and rescue me. We forest elves can do that, in case you didn't know." Legolas bluffed, hoping none of them knew how big of a lie that was. The Orcs talked and grunted amongst themselves, before turning to him again.

" If you have the power to call upon the Ents, then why haven't you already?" One asked. The others nodded in unison. He was now in even more trouble. Legolas just got a brainstorm. He let out a shrill whistle; not unlike the one he used to get Aragorn's attention. The Orcs looked around, terrified.

" I warned you, but you didn't listen." Legolas jeered, basking in their looks of horror. They began to scramble, completely forgetting about their captive elf. They had raced out of the chamber, leaving Legolas to his own devices.

The Orcs had only left one guard for King Thranduil, and had absolutely no one guarding the entrance to the cave. They didn't want to face the Ents, though they feared that they may have to, so they had all the forces that they could spare.

" I don't want to be here! I want to go home! I don't care about anything anymore!" Miranda wailed. Aragorn looked behind his shoulder, and with a psychotic look in his eyes. He turned swiftly on one heel, and walked slowly and menacingly towards her. She looked terrified now, and ceased her whining, glancing nervously at the rope he had in his hands.

" Did I not warn you about your whining? It would be easier on all of us if you were left behind." He said quietly. Never had anyone seen him so short of patience. It unnerved the hobbits and especially Gandalf. The wizard laid a hand on the ranger's shoulder, and pulled him back. The elf had a look of deer-in-headlights in her eyes.

Suddenly their attention was taken by the sound of axes against wood. They heard the foul language of the Orcs being shouted. They ran into a denser part of the forest, and hid in the bushes. Gandalf strained to hear what was being said. After a while, a look of confusion and amusement passed over the Maia's features. 

" They are preparing all their forces for the group that comes to rescue the king and prince. Though I do not understand why they are worrying about Ents." He said with a grin. 

" Maybe we can find a way to sneak past them! They will be on guard for a group of walking trees, not us!" Merry chirped. It was not long before the Orcs were chopping down every tree in sight, and for the group this was very helpful. While the group of Orcs were chopping and hacking, they ran by quietly and unnoticed. There were a few stray Orcs, but they were all too occupied looking at trees rather than watching for other enemies. The fellowship halted when they reached the edge of the forest. 

There was a cliff, not a large one, but it was noticeable. The small entrance to the cave was almost missed. They nearly followed a path leading away from the cave entrance, had it not been for Miranda pointing it out.

"Are you sure this is the right cave?" Pippin asked. They had reached a fork in the tunnel, and were unsure of what to do next. One tunnel was big. Probably wide enough for three full sized men to walk side by side. The other was not as big. It could still fit a grown man into it, but was a little cramped. 

" We should split up. I have a hunch that we won't have to deal with too many Orcs. Hobbits, you go down the smaller tunnel, the rest of you shall follow me." Gandalf said. They nodded and proceeded. 

" Move it Pip! Have you gotten fatter?" Merry squeaked. The two had been walking side by side. It was squishy, but it seemed to work, until they got stuck. 

"I haven't gotten fat, it's you who has been eating so much!" Pippin retorted. Sam and Frodo, having more sense than Pip and Merry, had walked in single file.

" Actually, I think it's the tunnel that has gotten thinner. It's tall enough to fit all of us, if we were piled on top of each other." Sam stated. It was true, the tunnel wasn't all that short, it was just thin, and had gotten thinner as they went deeper. Merry and Pippin were squirming around, trying to get through. Frodo looked at Sam, and Sam looked at Frodo. In unison, one grabbed Pippin, the other pushed Merry, and they both popped out of the crevasse they were stuck in.

" Ha! I'm in the lead Pip!" Merry shouted and stuck out his tongue. Pippin muttered something under his breath, but continued forward.

Gandalf held his hand up. They halted abruptly, and waited for someone to speak. Gandalf spoke no louder than a whisper.

" There is at least one Orc up ahead. We must be cautious." He murmured. They all followed silently.

Thranduil heard footsteps approaching ever so quietly. He wondered if the Orc knew they were there. The elven ruler didn't know who the footsteps belonged to, he knew they weren't from Orcs. Then there was a clang of metal from the tunnel. It was dark, so the Orc took a torch that was hanging up, and walked towards it. 

When the Orc got a little further along the tunnel there was a cry, and the sound of metal against metal. After about three clangs, all went silent; all except the footsteps. After a few moments, Aragorn and Gandalf emerged from the shadows.

" King Thrandruil! I have carried out my mission, and have come to rescue you!" Miranda shouted. The king gave her an odd look. Aragorn and Gandalf were untying the king. _' It's much easier to escape when you're being saved by someone who isn't delirious.'_ He mused to himself.

" We must find Legolas. I fear the worst for him. He was going through some sort of illness, probably from a dose of Orc poison. He was caught." Thranduil said urgently. They nodded, and followed his lead.

The hobbits had reached a point where the passage became wider. They continued on for a while until they found a piece of cloth. They would have let it pass, had Frodo not looked at it more carefully.

" It's a piece of Legolas clothes! It must have gotten snared!" He exclaimed. Sam grinned.

" Ah Frodo, where would we be without your keen eyes and sharp mind?" Sam said.

" Probably still stuck back in that little passage!" Pippin chirped. They began to pick up the pace. Before long, there was another separation in the tunnel. Frodo looked at it cautiously.

" Merry and Pip, you take the one on the right. Sam and I shall head to the left." Merry and Pippin were already down the right side of the split. 

King Thranduil stopped. There was no possible way they were all going to fit into that one little tunnel.

" We must go back, for this is much too small." The king said. Aragorn nodded.

" As well as the hobbits are down this way, so should Legolas be down there, they will find him." Aragorn said confidently. The king smiled, and began to lead them back through the passage from which they came.

Pippin wrinkled his nose in disgust. The stench was horrible. It reminded him of the smell of the Orcs when he and Merry were taken captive. He shuddered.

" Well, should we check in this room… chamber… thing?" Merry asked, unsure of what the opening ahead of them was.

" It smells like burnt Orc flesh! I don't want to go in there!" Pippin whined.

" We'll only have a peek, and if we see anything dangerous, we can always go back." Merry reasoned. Pippin sighed in defeat.

" Alright, but if we find nothing but Orcs, and I get killed, I'm coming back to haunt you." Pippin grumbled. The pair walked cautiously towards the entrance. The foul stench making it hard to keep from gagging. They peered inside, and instantly rushed over to Legolas, who was chained to the far wall. 

" Legolas! Awaken! Please don't tell me they've killed you!" Pippin shouted, trying to rouse the elf. The two hobbits were greeted by a sly smile from their elven friend.

" I am awake, and not dead. Though something is amiss. Where are all the Orcs?" The elf asked. The hobbits smiled coyly.

" They are preparing for a battle against the Ents!" Merry could barely hold back his laughter. Legolas had a look of pure shock on his face. He smirked at the thought of them being stupid enough to believe him. Merry and Pippin then took to the task of getting Legolas out of the chains that encircled his wrists. After a few minutes of lock picking, Legolas was free. He rolled his stiff wrists around a few times.

" We should leave now." He said. The hobbits nodded, and lead him down the narrow tunnel. They had finally reached the fork in the tunnel that had forced the hobbits apart, when from down the passage to their right, footsteps and hushed voices could be heard. The hobbits and elf froze in their tracks.

Legolas: Well, that was abrupt. Yet again, how predictable.

Blood thirsty: Shut up, I am on the fifth page okay? Cut me some slack. Sheash, I am not a lean, mean, writing machine.

Aragorn: Oh yes. We can sure tell that by the way you type. So did you get your ring back?

Blood thirsty: No, gollum ate it. He swallowed my ring! Oh, and Amy? So sorry about the length. I know it's probably long, and tediously boring. But don't worry, probably only about two to three more chapters, and it's done. * wipes sweat of forehead * I've spent all afternoon on this, and it's probably not that great, but oh well. If my reviewers are happy, then so am I. I just also found something that's just a little freaky… The actress that plays for Eowyn's name is Miranda… hehe… oops… ^-^; 

Now for shout outs.

#1legolasobsesser " heh, I don't think Aragorn's that mean… but that's okay, I'm ruthless! Hahaha!!! Don't worry, I won't stop writing! I'm just glad you're enjoying the story!

Isabelle " Hehehe, I kind of got the idea of ' fountains of tears' pouring out of her eyes too! And I will try and lighten up on my muses. And damnit, I'll get my stupid ring back!

Laureacale " Hey! You're still there! So glad to hear from you! Anyhoo, this one should be out soon, if my beta reader is able to get through it. I doubt it, like I said, it's long, and probably very boring. But thanks for reviewing!

Amy " My wonderful beta reader! I hope this chapter isn't too bad, but you'll be happy to know that I'm almost done the entire thing! Then we can stick a fork in it. But for now, I tried to get rid of all the errors, but knowing lil' ol' me, I probably missed about a million. * sighs * 

Well, thanks a bunch! You're an awesome beta! Two and a half thumbs up for you!

Blood thirsty: Okay, so again, I'll do this every so often. 

Disclaimer: I own nothing but the plot, and I highly doubt anyone would want it anyway. Plus I am broke. No money = bad suing case. 

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